New Episode! Why Middle School Is So Tricky with Jessica Speer
Jan. 25, 2022

Teens Speak Out


In this week’s episode, we speak with two high school teenagers, Alex and Emma. We gain valuable, personal insights to help parents understand a teen's perspective in a fast changing and social media driven world. Hear their thoughts about the emotional roller coaster of growing up in the pandemic, listen to the pressures they experience every day, and what they think parents should and shouldn’t know. Join our Facebook group at facebook.com/groups/reallifemomz/  to continue talking about this topic or any other parenting topic. Don't forget to follow Real Life Momz, so you don't miss an episode.

Transcript

Welcome to Real Life Momz. I'm your host, Lisa Foster, and Real Life Momz is a podcast where real moms have conversations about real-life issues that parents deal with every day. Our mission is to connect moms by talking about these topics and to continue a conversation through a real Real Life Momz, Facebook group, where we'd love for you to become part of our community today. I'm switching it up. I invited two teens to our show today, Alex and Emma, and they're going to share their perspective of being a teen, what they need from us as parents, and how we can communicate better with them.

Hi Alex. I am a welcome to Real Life Momz. Hi, I'm really excited to have you, girls, here today. Um, obviously this podcast is usually we're talking to moms right about day-to-day issues, but you know, last week I did an episode on maintaining a close relationship with teens and it kinda got me thinking that maybe we actually needed some teens. So you guys up for that challenge?

Yeah, definitely. What.

What does it feel like to be a teen today? I mean, there's so much going on in the world.

I don't know. I think I like the idea of being a teenager, but I think that right now with everything that's going on in the world, it's definitely hard being.

Right now. It's just really stressful. And like, especially with so many restrictions, it's like, there's almost like this expectation. You want to live up to that. You see, but like you can not do that.

Yeah. It's like adults expect you to be able to act the same way, except with COVID and with fire that just happened. And there are all these like extra things that you have to add to the expectation you were already living up to. And it definitely depends on your parents because I know that like, for some people, their parents are definitely a lot like less giving them independence, but I know that like, it's difficult for like your parents to want you to be independent and want you to get a job, but then also like to have all these other restrictions on your life, it's difficult to live to the expectation of like being as independent as they want you to be. But then still listening to all the rules that they want you to follow.

Yeah.

It basically feels like there's, you're saying like, live your life. Be your own person, make your own choices, but live under my belt. So.

Follow my rules. Just do your own. You know, it's funny because when I was about to talk to you, I was trying to think, you know, back to being a teen and, and you guys are totally right. It is such a hard time because you have so many rules to follow and it's just your parents, right? You have rules at school, you know, and at home, and you're also kind of touching this, you're going to be independent. So it's like, you're kind of caught in the middle. So yeah, I totally understand that. That, that is a hard place. It's funny also listening to it because teens, always think they want to be independent. They want to go out and try all these things. But are you saying that you still need a little help with that? Or maybe you don't want to be as independent or, well, I think that one isn't what are you say?

I think it's a medium that you have to balance because I think that independence comes with an understanding of like your parents still being there to help you. And I think what becomes difficult is that your parents sometimes want you to be independent, but then like, you know, like you'll be able to be independent. Like, you'll go do your thing, but then you come home and they're like, okay, like give me your phone. It's time to go to bed. And it's like, you want them to find a good balance between giving you your independence and still being there to like consult, because if you don't have your parents and like, you know, they know a lot more than you, but you want to still be able to live your own life.

Like it, it just feels so hard to prioritize all your needs. Like, it's feels so hard to prioritize. Like sometimes I even feel guilty sometimes because it's like, I need to be able to prioritize my social life, my mental health, and being alone. And just having time for myself while still getting good grades at school and making new friends and doing activities and then coming home. And sometimes I just want to be by myself, but like, I, I also need to make time for my family. And I feel like bad if I feel bad if like the family is like, oh, let's watch a movie.

And I'm like, no, I'm tired. I feel guilty because I feel like I'm running out of time. But at the same time I need, I like, I know I need the time for myself. And then, and then I'll feel bad because like, I'll choose other things, but like, it's not a personal thing. It's just, I need to like balance my own time.

It's overwhelming to have to deal with it by yourself.

And, and it's funny, you're saying all this because I think that's exactly how personally I feel as a parent. Right. So I feel exactly the same way. It's like I come home, I've been at work all day and then I have some things that I'd like to do or be by myself. But then I feel guilty because I haven't seen the kids, you know? So I feel the same way you do actually that guilt of not, you know, prioritizing maybe my family or that time, just because I have some other things I actually wanted to do. So it's interesting that we feel the same way. Right.

But it's almost sad because we're leaving soon and we're running out.

Well. And you know, if you're running out of time being in the house, right. Cause around 18, you're going to probably go to college, both of you. And then you kind of start this life. But you know, I have to say, I expect. And what I've heard from other parents is that if that gets better, right. I mean, yeah. Still, be independent and yes, you'll go off to college and have your own home and family eventually. But it's not like we're still not there. I mean, I talked to my mom like a few times a week, you know, and still ask for her opinion and still ask for her help with things.

So, I mean, once you're a kid, a daughter, you're gonna always be a daughter, even if you're like 50 years old. Yeah.

Yeah. I think like what you just said though, about how, like, we feel the same way. I think that that's something that a lot of parents have to understand is like, it's not like their kids want to shut them out. They just want to be like, understand the way that they're feeling.

How do you think parents can do that? How, like, how can we open up that communication? Because I definitely think with teens, it's sometimes hard to really communicate at the moment.

Well, I think that like a lot of times it can feel overwhelming to have your parents, like, not really put pressure on you, like intentionally, but like unintentionally, like, you know, cause even if your parents like, don't really care a lot about like grades, it's still like, you still want to impress them. And so like, I think it's just important to remember that, like if your kid seems like they're spending a lot of time in their room, like, or like spends a lot of time on their phone, like don't get mad at them. Like it's not something that we're doing on purpose. It can get so overwhelming to try to deal with everything at once. But like sometimes we just like need to feel like you understand, instead of feeling like you need us to figure it out.

Okay. Yeah. So, and so you're mentoring the phone. I think a lot of parents have issues with the phone. They feel like they kind of lose their child in it because of social media. They're always on their phone. The parents feel a little like, okay, they're not engaging in the family. What would you say about,.

I think it's important to spend time, like not on your phone with your family, but I think there's like a, like, it's not a super clear line, but I think that there's definitely a line between like your parent being like, like give me your phone, I'm taking your phone. Like you're not allowed to be on it right now. And being like, Hey, I know that your phone is super important to you, but would you be willing to like spend some time with her family? Like I'm totally open to like, whatever you want to do, but like, I'd really love to spend some time with you. Well, awesome.

So Emma and I have very different phone boundaries. Yeah. And so like, but I feel like we're the same in this sense of, we know when to put it down or not, phones are the great communitive source.

And I, I do think your generation and, you know, whoever was born in the phone age, I guess. Um,

But that's us the first phone in 2006.

Okay. So yeah, you guys, um, you know, I feel like you need that connection. You know, it, it almost, I feel like when taking away a phone from a teen and I don't know if this is a right thing or wrong thing, but I almost feel like you guys are, I feel more isolated, you know?

Well, it's, especially during now, like when the phone is in like any technology sources, like one of the biggest ways we can have any social aspect when like, during COVID.

Like, I think it's really important to be able to put down your phone and be where you are. But I also think that, as hard as parents try to like understand that as our phones connect us, it just, a lot of parents I think have still this like mentality that social media is not good for you. And while I like to understand that, what you see on social media can like really influence you. I think that everybody that I know, like I, genuinely can not think of a single person that isn't on social media that I know. So like taking away our phones from us is literally like taking away our connection to the world.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do agree with that. Uh, someone once told me that, you know, when you punish your kid if you like say you do something and you're actually getting punished for this, that the worst thing actually to do is take away the phone. And I think that's the go-to for most parents is to remove their phone. But someone told me that because then they're already feeling down and then, but we're really isolating them at a moment that, you know, normally I would need, if I was feeling bad about something, I would need to talk to a friend taking away a phone is, is pretty it's, it's intense for you guys to not have that.

It's like your lifeline at this point.

I think a lot of parents see a different cause because it's controversial. Cause I know that like my parents, when they like get mad at me or like, they think that I'm like in this space where like I'm not being myself, they take my phone. Cause they think that like talking to my friends, cause like, I think it's like very different, like depending on the person, but like what a lot of parents kind of see it as is like, your friends are only gonna like enhance your viewpoint. So like, if you're mad at your parents and your friends are only going to support you. So I think it's like, I mean, I actually agree with you, but I think that it's like a really difficult thing to know like when the right time to put your phone down is when you're in a bad state.

Yeah. And I think there are different reasons why parents take away someone's phone. Um, but yeah, but, but they do say I can see it being very isolating without your phone. Cause I feel like that's your main communication to your friends, even, especially now. So going into this pandemic, right. We're in a pandemic we've been in it for years. Um, how do you feel changed what your teenage life kind of would have been? If it didn't have.

Gonna be honest, I don't know how different it would be really well. I mean, for me personally, like I definitely, well, okay. As of this year, though, like last year was a lot different, but I would not be the same person. Yeah. Like last year when we were completely online and it's just me and my family like that was like a really hard point in my life because like, I am a very social person on like my brother who is not like he was okay.

But because, but that's just because he has a different lifestyle. Like his team.

Well, his, but the thing is, is the teenage years he enjoys is going to be online. As for me, I'm a social person. And so only being able to connect through like a one-hour phone call or something like that was just not enough for me for a full year. Like I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy going out. I enjoy just other people around me and that's something I couldn't have. And like, I feel like these years are so like short and stuff. And these are like the biggest years, years are going to like grow. I mean, college is probably the most you're ever going to like get experience from.

But like these are the years building up to that big one. Um, and I just feel like all reef, like two and a half, three years of that is gone and I really don't know how much it gets saved, done, or learned from that.

I have, I really have, but at the same time, like there's so much that could have been filled in for the, I mean, like if I think about it, I can remember like Alex and me talking about like in the sixth grade being like, oh my God, like I can't wait until we're teenagers. Like we're gonna have so much fun. We're going to go to the party. Like we're already almost 16. And like, honestly I spend most of my time, like looking at my friend's stories and seeing that people are doing things and knowing that I can't because it's, COVID like, especially last year, like there's, I feel like when, as you think of like a typical teenager, it's like super fun football games and as your friends, like last year, especially like, I don't think I did any of that.

Like, it's so hard to be able to do any of that, knowing that like you're potentially putting, people's like not lives at risk because especially a lot of people are like vaccinated now, but like yeah, like health and safety, like, it doesn't feel normal. And especially like even like just not seeing people's faces at school, like there's just something different about it.

That's huge. I mean, you're meeting people that you have never seen their full face. Right? Yeah. Wow. So, yeah. So it sounds like though that, well you would be doing differently is kind of just going out more and yeah,.

I think definitely for like extroverts, like, I mean, I know like that I'm pretty extroverted. Like it's, it's a lot easier to like, like, even if you're like talking about like mental illness like it's so much easier to be like sad and mopey when you're like in your room by yourself. Like, I think that the best thing that a lot of people can do for themselves when they're having a hard time is to get outside. And it's so difficult to do that in a time where everyone's wearing masks and you have to stay six feet away from you.

No, that's true. And even just touch, like hugging your friends and things like that,.

Because that was probably the hardest thing.

Both of us, our love language, definitely. And when you don't get that for a full year and a half, that's insane.

During eighth grade. And like, we weren't allowed to like a hug. Like we, we had to like touch her feet together, feet high five. Yeah. And like, that was like the most contact that I got with anyone like that entire year. And that's just like, so like detrimental to like your mental health, especially if like hugs or something, cause like hugs, like isn't it like scientifically proven or something that like hugging for 30 seconds, like releases endorphins into your brain. So just like not having that was like really,

You know, like every year you grow, right. And you kind of gain these new skills, do you think you've actually lost anything? Um, you know, being in the pandemic and not having that typical year or two as a teen, you know, would you be more independent, do you think than you are now? Would you, you know, have school-wise School school-wise oh, so like academics, you feel like,

Like our eighth grade was cut short and then like our ninth grade, like, I don't think I learned like anything last year, just cause like no one was used to online and it was just really difficult to like, I feel like there's this whole like a chapter that's like super important of like school that we just like completely miss.

I would say friendships because like during the COVID time, like when we were like in full isolation, like I think my, my vision on friendships changed since I wasn't being surrounded by people. Like I really knew into like going into new friendships. I didn't have like, I didn't remember how that was and how to see through people and like who they really were.

I mean, I think that like you and I both had super unhealthy friendships during COVID cause they think that like, especially not hanging out with like people can be so fake online. Yeah. And it got to a point where like, even Emma and I had like our dips and stuff in friendship, we didn't talk for like two months, but like we always like came back to each other. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, are you feeling that now that things, I mean, we're still in COVID and we're still masked and everything, but do you feel that the social part is improved? Feel like you're kind of getting back into yourself?

Well, I think it's difficult to cause like for a while, like at the end of the summer and like over summer like I think there are even a few weeks where like we didn't have a math mandate in anymore. So I think that, it was really hard because things felt normal again. And then like, no one really ever, like we still haven't had like a two-week thing. Like, let's knock on wood that they don't put us back in the court team. But like literally, like it's just, it feels really hard to like go from last summer where we didn't have to like really quarantine or like do anything COVID like to now like come back and like, know that as much as we want to do this stuff, like now we have like a new variant out.

And so even if we do want to go to parties and do wanna hang out without with our friends like it's still dangerous. I mean, yeah. I agree with that. But like at the same time, especially going into this school year where things were better, I definitely have the opportunity to meet new people. And I have a great friend group in school and stuff and it led me to meet more people outside. But like now that we're kind of going back in, it's like, I, at least I'm going in with more people that are either, either new people or people like I definitely know are just like my forever friends.

So that's a little bit of a different situation than the first time around. But yet it sounds like it's still mentally hard because you went from kind of feeling like you were almost done in the summer to now like being pulled back and it kind of taking them off the ground. So that's definitely hard. But what would you consider your top pressures in being a teen,

Um, relationships with anybody? So yeah. Social expectations.

Yeah. So social like relationships. So, um, so friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, what do you, what's your, what kind of relationship?

Like the easiest way to describe it is like, you don't want to let down anyone and like, it's hard to read people, especially like over like texts. Like it's so easy to like misinterpret something. So you just, you constantly want to like, you know, like have the perfect friendships, like have a good friend group, like, you know, like have a boyfriend, like you just want to have like good relationships, which is really hard to do when you're trying to keep it all. But once,

So really the social part, which sounds like it should be the most fun part of being a teen. Right. Is is the most pressure.

It's not even like, like act like physics, like literally social. It's more like, like society, social, like you want to, what you see on social media. You want to be like, you want to fit a beauty standard. Do you want to have a good, you want, you want to have a good group of friends? You want to have a specific adventure plan. Do you want to have good grades in school? You to go to a good college, you want to have the perfect clothing? Like, like it's so easy to see a post or like see a life that someone's living. And then just like, look at the way that people are commenting about it and be like, oh, well, like I want that for myself personally.

Like I, I like for me personally, that's something that is important to me when it really should not be. But yeah, I'd like to impress myself and others. I've always been that way. And, and people have told me, like, you, you shouldn't care so much. Like people don't care that like you just, you care too much. And I think I care more than more, most people should, but that is just who I am.

But it is, it is tough. I mean, so that's one thing, at least as parents, we did not have all these social media in our face. I mean, we had magazines of pretty people and things like that that played a part, but this is non-stop 24 7. And you're also seeing people who, you know, that, you know, so it makes it really real. Um, but do you ever look at that social media and say, okay, I know that person isn't like this all the time or those parties.

I actually heard that you know, they had a horrible time at that party, but even though it looks fun and social media, do you, do you ever like question the actual pictures they're posting to know that maybe that's not true?

No, not really. I think that I do just because like my mom's a therapist, so every single time she's like, well, is it real? That's what my mom does too. But like when I'm in the moment, like, absolutely not. Like I'm like that party looked really fun. I wasn't even, I definitely do that too. I think like, why am I not that way? I think it's, I think it's really difficult when it's like something like, not like physical, but like an activity almost like you feel like someone like posting and like, you know, Italy or something like you're going to want to go to Italy, you know, with like beauty standards, like everything that goes in taking a photo, like angles, like it's so easy to feel ugly when like every single photo that anyone posts are.

So like, like carefully curated, you know,

Why doesn't anybody post ugly pictures of, you know, like, they're just, oh, I was going to say, why is everyone so pretty? Why can't they just post their sweats? And they just rolled out of bed?

I don't know. I don't know. I think it's cause like people just like, people want to impress. People want to feel validated. Like we all know how good it feels when like someone comments on your posts and they're like, oh.

Yeah. So, I mean, I do that too. I, I, you know, I'll post something and I'm like, oh, I got like, you know, it's just addicting. Right. And I get like one, like you guys got like a thousand likes, but, um, but I can see how it gets addicting, but I don't understand why it's so, you know, I don't get why it's so important even to me to get a like, you know, um, but you guys, this is your world. That's what you're living in. Um, so yeah, that's a lot of pressure to see all these beautiful posts and want to be like that and want to be like school.

How does school stress you out at all? Or is it just so much now? Is that a social thing as well? Or is that more grades or what is that for me?

Like, I'm actually pretty happy with like the social aspect of school. I'm a very social person. I bounce around, but like every type of group and I feel really stable with a group of friends and with activities I do. But like, I go to a school where the standards of good enough is A's and if you have anything below an a or high, even a high B enough, and that's what it feels like a 4.0 GPA, which is amazing at any school is, does not feel good enough at my school.

And so like being, or being in no advanced classes is not good enough. I'm a very average student. I get good enough grades. I get, uh, more than, uh, more than good enough grades, but I put so much pressure on myself when I'm hearing my friends stress out that they got like a B on their very advanced test or something, then I'm like, or like, they're like, I have a 4.8 GPA. I'm not going to this college. And I'm like, well, I have this GPA. Like, I just want to go to college. Yeah,

Yeah. That is a lot of stress. And it sounds like it's coming less from maybe less from teachers and parents, but more from peers. Is, is that right?

Yeah. My teachers, I mean, a lot of nine teachers, I feel like are pretty understanding of kids. Like kids should be able to like to live their lives on the weekends and stuff and not have school in their mind, but I just feel like that's such a priority that like school should always be on their mind.

I think that for me, like the pressure that I feel at school is like, not really about grades, because like, I mean, I'm, I'm happy with my grades. Like, of course, I still like to stress out a lot about it, but for me, it is more like social because not everyone that goes to my school is super nice. Like I love my friends at school so much, but I think that, especially because I live right next to my school, so it's like really want to have a good community of people there. But I think especially like during COVID, it was super hard to make friends like online and then like coming back, I felt like, like for me, I kind of like lost a little bit of like my confidence and making friends.

And so now I'm just like trying to like get back on that like, oh, as I can still like have a group of friends and like have a social life at school.

You know, I saw like, especially I felt this way, like a few months ago, like I saw a lot of people from my school, like posting, like going to parties or like going on these fun trips. I just like, didn't really feel like I had a group of friends. And I think that it's really easy to feel that way. Like, especially like in a time that's like right now when like pretty much like, not everything, but like a lot of things are on social media and like a lot of things are online. So like, all that you're seeing is like what other people are doing. So it's just like, it's easy to feel like you don't have that many friends. So.

Here's another thing. Okay. So you go to school, you've got your grades, right? That you're worried about some more than others. Um, you know, the social stuff that you worry about and then you come home and then, you know, you have your family stuff that whether it's tours or things that your parents are asking on top of everything, how does that feel when you've had a whole day at school? God only knows what happens there. It sounds like a lot between the grades and the other friendships that are happening or not happening. And then you come home and maybe your parents are asking you to help out with anything, like clean your room or do something like that.

I mean, what does that feel like? Is that just a whole nother pressure for you?

It's tiresome. Like, I mean, I usually cry at school, so I get it out there, but like, I just like my, when I get home like I get home pretty late. Like after practices, like at six 30, it's already dark. Like, all I want to do is eat and kind of just be in my own space. And then when I'm finally in my own space, I need to do my homework and my homework can take a really long time. And then it's like, I feel the need to like spend time with family and stuff, but then I don't like mentally.

Yeah. Do it. If you think about it, like we wake up at like seven or six. Yeah. Like, like, like I wake up at like six 30 on most days, but like we wake up early like we get ready for school super quickly. We go to school and all day we're trying to live up to social standards and school standards by focusing in class. And then like for both of us. And I know that like a lot of kids have practiced. Like you go to practice, which is insanely, physically tiring. Yeah. And like super long. And then you get home and, you know, you have to like take the dogs out or do the dishes or whatever, and you have to do your homework.

And so then like on top of that, like having to like, not like you want your parents to feel like you still like, care about being with them, but it's still so stressful to like, have to live up to all of the expectations and then still live up to your parents' expectations when you got,

And then the weekend heads. And that's like your time to spend time with family. But like, you want to see your,.

And we come home. We don't want to be jumped on by our kids to say, oh mom, can I have dinner? Or my mom, can you help me with this? Right. You guys are saying the same thing. You just want maybe to have a little space when you come home just to, you know, recoup, get some alone time and just do something else besides feeling obligated for something else to do after doing so much all day. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. So here's a great question. I mean, what do you want to tell parents out there? If you can give advice as just being two teens that you know, are going through it during a pandemic, even, um, what would you tell parents so that they can understand what.

I think probably something along the lines of like, like, I know that you don't think that our phones are good for us, and I know that you like don't think that spending all of our time with our friends is good for us, but if you can just like cut us a little slack and give us the benefit of the doubt that we're trying our best. And like, sometimes like our best on one day is going to be so much less than our best on another day. So just like, if you can give us the benefit of the doubt, even if our hardest is only like 10%, cause we're tired. Like we're still trying.

I love that. I love that. And also I think this is very, um, enlightening for parents to hear because I think what we forget is that yes, you have, you know, all this stuff going on and all these pressures, but I honestly think parents feel the same as you do. Well, that's what I'm realizing. You know, I feel like we all feel that guilt of not hanging out enough with our families. And it sounds like you guys feel kind of bad, not hanging out with the family because you also have other things that you want to be doing as well.

And you also need self and downtime and that, and that technically you guys are doing the best you can do. Right. Just as parents, we are also doing the best that we can do in our situation. So it doesn't sound like it's that different, you know, it's just in different phases, but we're both kind of going through similar things. Um, so that's interest interesting. What would you say would be, what is the best thing about being a teenager after all these hard things that I've heard so far?

Cause it sounds very stressful for being a teenager. And I know there are teens out there that enjoy being a teenager. So what is the best thing about being a teen? Um,.

My whole thing, my favorite thing about being a teenager is just living every day, like unexpected.

Um, I think that my favorite part about being a teenager is probably like those moments were like, yeah, like a football game or a party like, or at school. And you just like, you feel like what? Like when I say like, you feel like what a teenager supposed to feel like, you know, when you're at like a party and you're having a lot of fun with your friends and you're not thinking about school or like when you're like at a football game and you like, see like the stands are super full, but it's just like that one moment that you get every so often where you're just like truly happy, like living like the life that you feel like you're supposed to be living.

But ball games is.

Literally was probably my favorite part of this entire school.

Year. The homecoming game was the best.

Yeah. So football games, homecoming and those things parties.

Yeah, there this one night, there's this one football game. And like, it was at the very end of the game and not many people were there because it was like one of the mid games in the season. But like a couple of my friends were there and like one of their, um, one of my friend's little brother, like he went out onto the football field after the game when everyone moves like kind of leaving and just started. And it was like raining out and he just started bouncing a balloon up in the air and just tossing it to himself. And then me and my entire friend group went out in the middle of the field and just played with them.

And that was so much fun for like 20 minutes. And I was like,.

I think for me it was like, cause it's, I think like the best memory for me was like, we were, it was like the homecoming football game and everybody came because we were playing a bad team and we won and the entire like crowd stormed the field. And like, we ran to the other side of the field and like ring the bell and like, we were all like singing our school song and that just like really like, felt like normal.

Yeah. I mean, both of those experiences sound like what a teen should be experiencing. Yeah. You know, I hope that you too have many, many more of those experiences in the next year or two, but yeah. And I, and I think, I think it's good for parents to hear the other side. I don't think, um, as parents, as much as we do communicate with our kids, we don't always listen fully, um, into what the pressures you have every day. I think, especially as a mom, I feel like, you know, something happens.

I immediately want to help my child. I immediately kind of go right in and get very emotionally involved. So just hearing you guys talk in a way that, you know, parents can just listen about all these pressures I think is, is really important for us to hear, you know, I think.

I have one more thing. I think there it's actually showed here is that we can do it ourselves.

Beautiful.

I don't need you to control when we go to bed. No, not, I don't mean for me. I do.

No. I mean, like if I'm in a situation like with a friend or just anything like in general, like a personal situation, like I need, yeah. I'll go to my parents to talk about it, but I don't, and I'll ask them for advice, but I don't need them doing something for me. Like, I, I know what's going to benefit me in that situation. And I, I mean, I'll be independent about it. And like, I think some households and some families like they apparent like, like you just said, can get emotionally attached to a situation.

And so when something's not working for their kid like that, that emotionally impacts them as well. And that does not always lead to a good outcome.

So it sounds like we need to trust you guys is you can actually, but you could actually handle more than we think you can. Is that correct? Yes. Yes. Yeah. And I think that's an important takeaway, which is, which is hard. I think trust is gained. Right. So I think as long as that communication and you know, it's, it goes both ways, right? You trust us, we have to trust you. But yeah, I think that's a big takeaway from today is that you can handle more than we think you can and that we need to trust that.

And in mostly you, in most, in most homes, kids are like kids grow up to trust their parents. Like most of the time always do like even just getting in a car with them every day. Like that's a person that they trust taking them to. And from somewhere too, I don't know, like literally anything just like it's grown to trust me. Like, it's you grow up just knowing that you trust someone. But I feel like parents, they have to learn to trust. Yeah. Rather than already knowing yet.

I mean, yes, because we do have, and I honestly, even myself, I don't know that I always do that. You know, as a parent, you think, you know, you know, best, but, but we don't always, and sometimes we don't even know what we're doing. Honestly. Sometimes we really have no idea and in a situation and sometimes you guys do so, so no, but it's true. I mean, it, it's, I'm going to put this out there. Parents do not always know the answers and most of the time they don't, you know, we are also learning how to be a parent at each phase.

So I've never had a teen before until I have my teens. So just so you know, we're also learnings and I think that's sometimes why we feel like they'll need to have control because we don't know what we're doing. Not necessarily that you don't.

Yeah. Well, you guys have been absolutely awesome. I love talking to you and having you guys on here today and appreciate your honesty and, um, and just insight into being a teenager. And I, I do hope the pandemic decreases. I do hope your socialization increases and your pressures just go away. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for listening to our show today, listening to Alex and Emma's perspective of being a teen was really eye-opening for me.

And it really made me realize how much pressure they go through every day. Come join us on our Facebook group so we can continue to talk about teens and don't forget to follow Real LIfe Momz so you don't miss an episode.