Reclaiming Your Energy Through the Power of Play with Yvonne Lee-Hawkins

welcome to the Real Life Momz podcast. It is time to take a break from all our to-dos and carve out this time to focus on ourselves. I'm Lisa Foster, your host, and today I am here with fellow mom, energy coach and author Yvonne Lee Hawkins. And today we are reclaiming our energy through the power of play.

Hi Yvonne. Welcome to the show. Hi Lisa and everyone. Thanks for having me. I am excited to have you because play is something I feel like I'm always told to do more of, and as an adult I feel like we don't know how to do that actually. So maybe we could just start with what is your definition of play and like what does that mean for an adult?

Yeah, absolutely. So for me, the play in and of itself is doing something not for an end or an outcome. So I spent 20 years in corporate, so we're always like deliver results and meet the goal and all those things. But doing something just for the enjoyment, just for the [00:01:00] joy of doing it. Like we see our kids doing this, right? They're like. Poking a stick in the dirt. They're not trying to build anything, they're just spending time,, being curious. And so play is really about. Putting yourself in the present and recognizing that you enjoy just what you're doing at the moment. . So I love the definition, and all I can say is that's so hard for an adult yeah. Because it's always hard to stay in the moment.. Our minds are everywhere and usually in the future, which is just full of anxiety when we live in the future. . And then finding that enjoyment without a goal.

We're just not built that way. Yeah. Or at least not anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Not anymore. Like we were That's right. We were built that way. Yeah. And then of course we lose it. So maybe talk about that first of all, like why do we lose something that's so innate in us and how do we get it back?[00:02:00]

Yeah, I think it's really interesting. I read this, the statistic the other day that, in order to do, to learn any new thing you, it takes 40 some repetitions and, there's been many studies on this and so the numbers vary. Some say, 21, others say 60, but basically around 40.

But it showed that if you. Do something while playing. If you learn a new skill by playing while you're enjoying it, it only takes about 10 repetitions. So it's a quarter of the time. , I think I, my theory is because you're in the moment with it, that you're actually really, building new circuitry in your brain.

You're learning because you're enjoying it, you're having fun. It just sticks that much better. Yeah. We see this too where, some people think oh, they're just naturally talented at something. I don't even think that it's necessarily talent, but if they're enjoying doing it, they're more apt to do it more often.

And so it becomes a little bit of, a little bit of [00:03:00] that. I think we, we start to lose it, as we come into adulthood because have responsibilities and there's things we think we should do. And then. I don't know how you feel about this, especially as a mom. There's so many shoulds, this is what motherhood looks like.

This is what you need to do at your job. This is what kind of perfection is. And so we forget to enjoy it, and we're always trying to reach, what that, that picture in our head is, versus just being curious of oh, I wonder what happens if you do this. , And so it's fun getting.

With your kids again, or watching other people's kids of just they're just doing things to figure things out. They haven't yet set an expectation around we're gonna play tag and it's gonna go this way, and you're gonna win, and then you're gonna be next, and then this. No, they just, it's chaos, right?

But it's fun. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm hearing like curiosity is a huge. Yeah, absolutely. And there's this ni naivete to it, [00:04:00] right? So like you don't have an expected outcome necessarily. Which takes away pressure that we put absolutely ourself, right? Yeah. Yeah and I think a lot of times as we become parents, we plan even more so if we weren't a planner before.

For sure. It seems to creep in because the planning, which is good, right? It helps us get through the day to day, but it does take away some of that spontaneity, that curiosity. That naiveness that we can see as like a child and so yeah, I can see how it faded. So I love these components that we're actually talking about.

So if you were gonna put ingredients together to bake play, if you would, what would be the top things that you would say we really needed when finding those things? I. I think, curiosity is one, kinda doing something new, something we [00:05:00] don't have an expectation around, something we don't think, like I have to be naturally good at this.

There's also something about it not being time bound, right? You lose yourself in the time. Now this is why it's so hard as an adult. And especially as a parent, 'cause you're like, we got 30 minutes and then it's time for dinner and then it's, so losing yourself in the moment is very difficult.

But, you can do this maybe on a weekend where you're like, you don't have a lot of responsibility. Just, go for a walk or find yourself in a place where you're not putting a time bound on it. Because I think , if you're watching the clock, you're not gonna be in the present.

You're not gonna be able to immerse yourself and see if it's fun and give yourself permission that if it's not fun to try something else. I think, I don't know about you, but I've always been guilty of this, of like my self-care routine. It becomes its own beast, right? Of I have to relax, I have to meditate, I have to go to the sauna, I have to get a massage.

And then you're like this isn't even enjoyable anymore because it's just become another to-do list. Yeah. I feel that as well. [00:06:00] And I, and the part that you said something new Yeah. Really sticks out for me. I was reading a book while listening to a book. 'cause I don't read as much as I listen to audio books.

Like most moms probably know. It is. Yep. However, multitasking. Yeah. Multitask. Yeah. Okay. That goes back to being in the moment. All right. So we have a lot of work to do here. However, the point being was that they said something new, like the new piece. Is so exciting. When you do something new, it releases endorphins.

It makes us feel good. It was talking about like social media, like you can always find something new and that's why it's addictive, but it's like a fake fun thing. But it's true. It's if I go to a new place, even a new store, a new place to eat a new friend, it's oh my goodness, a new book.

It's so exciting. 'cause I don't know about it. I. Don't have expectations about it. So I love adding in newness, which is something I think we do get trapped into this schedule and [00:07:00] routine. Yeah. That feels comfortable, but never new. Yeah. And it's my husband and I did this well when we first met, we made a deal that we would introduce each other to new things, and it really bonded us.

Oh. On our second date, he taught me how to play disc golf. I had never done that. It's like his passion. I dragged him to hot yoga and he had never done that. And we, and over a decade later we're still trying to introduce each other to new things, but it's harder.

It's definitely more intentional. But this is where the kids come in 'cause they bring in their own interests and, things that they're into. And, I have a daughter who's into anime, so I'm learning about that. My, my son is into all things sports and we do all the things.

Baseball just finished, thank goodness. 'cause that takes a lot of time. Yes. Just being able to. Learn new things and then see it through their eyes is also really great. I did wanna mention you, you had said we kinda lose it. I think there's good news though, because we get it back eventually.

I think it becomes full circle. I noticed when my daughter was first [00:08:00] born. She was the most difficult baby ever after her. I thought, I'm not having anymore 'cause this is just too much. I got a huge dose of, my free gift from the hospital was a dose of anxiety.

And so that kind of followed me around with her. And I remember having this a hundred pound diaper bag. It had everything in it. It was like an apocalyptic bag. It had can, a can opener, hot water. These like. Anything that could happen I was prepared for. I remember my mother-in-law taking her for a little day trip to the mall, and she's oh, just gimme a diaper.

Literally, she did not want, she didn't want, she was probably a toddler at this point, so she was eating, so she was like, gimme a diaper. I don't need anything else. And I thought how is that possible? She's anything happens. I'll buy her a new outfit or, whatever.

And yeah. So she was really just having enjoyment of spending time with her granddaughter. It was a diaper. She did not have all the like, expectation of, oh, what if she cries? She's we'll go outside. So I do think it comes full circle. So that is the [00:09:00] good news. Yeah. And I'm starting to feel that as my kids are getting older and one's off to college, so they're starting to flock.

There is like an anxiety with that too. 'cause it's I have time, right? Yes. Now what? Now what? Yeah. And that's what I think I struggle with a little bit because I agree my kid was into dance, so I got really into that. This one's into tennis. I get really into that. Yes. But I find it like, it's so important to find our own play that doesn't include their play because.

They leave and we're still here. And so I wonder how do we start doing that to find those things that really are new to us, excite us and make us be a little bit more free. And in the moment I. Yeah. One of the things I coach a lot of people who have burnout and so one of the first things, especially the moms that I notice is they don't even know what they like anymore.

They're like, they're so [00:10:00] spent when I'm like, do something you enjoy. And they're like, I don't even know what that is. And so I think especially as the kids get older my oldest just graduated high school. Woo-hoo. So we're at that phase too where they're starting to, become a lot more independent.

Sometimes we have to literally look up things of like things to do, right? Because, you should always, trust your gut of what you or have an affinity to, I love to be out in nature, I love to go hiking, exploring new places.

So for me it's like there's so many places that I can explore where we live in the Pacific Northwest, that I could do that for forever. If you like dance, there's different types of dance. Take a dance class or a yoga class whatever. Try to remember, what were those things that you enjoyed when there wasn't anything attached to it?

Pottery , or something totally new that maybe you just would wanna learn now. Yeah, if you drive by and people playing pickleball oh, I wonder if I'm any good, if I could be any good at that or, walking in the park or something. I think the biggest thing is we start to overthink it of oh, what am I gonna [00:11:00] enjoy?

It's okay to try a bunch of different things and figure out which ones you do enjoy and which ones you don't. But if there's something, so don't maybe sign up for a year worth of dance classes. Try one, and kinda work through it that way. Yeah. And I love meeting people who are a little bit older too.

Like their kids are, maybe they're in the grandparent years, they're like really embracing this. Oh. Because they'll be taking, I just met somebody who's. Done some shamanic healing in her sixties and is taking astrology classes and things like that. I'm like, I wanna do that. That sounds so fun, right?

I'm like, I wanna learn about the planets and why my wifi is not working right now. Or they just in retrograde or what, do you know what I'm saying? I wanna know that. So yeah, those are exciting to me. Probably not to everyone listening but yeah, I love seeing people, especially I feel like sixties and up where they have this space and time and it's like they're trying these new [00:12:00] things that.

They've never done before and it's so cool to see. So I agree with the full circle and I'm looking forward to that. I'm like, feel like I'm tapping into that circle soon. Good. Yeah. I would like us to get there sooner as well. Yeah. You build in at least a little fun every now and then maybe even once a day.

Do something just for the fun of it rather than, waiting for the weekend or, some time in the future. One thing that we do is we do connection time with our kids where they each get 10 minutes and uninterrupt and it's usually some activity of their choice. Sometimes it's a pain where I'm like, okay, this isn't fun. 'cause I've committed to do this like almost every day. But almost always when we're done, I have had fun. With my son, it's usually like kicking the soccer ball around in the garage or he loves to like, make up games. There's, sidewalk chalk everywhere and he's created a board game in the garage.

I haven't been able to park in the garage for two weeks because he, created this board game. But, that's fun. I'm like, oh, that's [00:13:00] pretty. Creative. I wouldn't have thought to do that. Sometimes my daughters just wanna talk and that's fun too, like hearing about their kind of high school drama and things going on and just seeing it through, their eyes.

So it doesn't have to be big things. No. It could even be reading a new book or, and I liked how you just said 10 minutes. I think people feel that they have to have a whole day, half a day, like so much time that we don't have on our, plate here, that we don't have an hour or two sometimes.

And so having 10 minutes of uninterrupted time doing something, whether it's with somebody or alone, can actually be really recharging. Yeah and keeping that mindset. A few weeks ago Memorial Day, we had planned a whole day at the lake. We invited friends to come, we loaded up the car, picnic style, got the kayak on the roof, all the things, and then we got to the lake and it was the one cold, rainy [00:14:00] day of a whole two week thing. It was so cold, we couldn't do it. So our plans were completely out the window. And I was a little stressed about it, but my husband said, he's just remember with a family of five, the fact that we got out at all is a win. And I was like, you're right. And it was raining, pouring.

We couldn't do anything. So we showed. Our friends around the lake a little bit before we got soaked, but then we ended up finding like a new place to have brunch that had a kids' area and a catapult and all these things. And it ended up being a really great day, even though nothing went to plan.

Like everything went. And I think that was part of the, what made it such a great day is we're like, oh, everything we planned did not happen. And yet look at all these other fun things that we were able to do without putting that pressure on it of it was supposed to look like this.

It reminds me of my trip when I went to Hawaii with the family, was like our, like one big vacation. And we had no plans. Zero. Like we were going to Hawaii. We love no plans. We knew where we were staying, like we stayed in Airbnb [00:15:00] and we had a car. But other than that we were like. It's Hawaii, right?

I am sick of planning, I think was part of it. And we got in the car and it was like the best day ever. We stayed in Kwai. It was a small island and we just drove and anytime we saw something we wanted to see, we stopped. So we stopped in a cave, we stopped at a beach, we stopped like for food and everybody was like, that was the best day ever.

Not only did we not have a plan, we didn't know where we were going. And you couldn't have planned it that way, right? No, not at all. And it was. So exciting. We would just literally just pull the car over. Everybody would just jump out. We'd go explore. We'd get back in the car and we'd go do something else.

And yeah, I would never do that, just driving around in my own hometown, but you could, there's like lots of things I haven't seen. Actually, I think being a tourist in your own town is like a, is something that I actually enjoy doing because there are things that you would never go to.

'cause like I'm in Seattle, so we're like, oh, we've been to the Space needle 10 times. [00:16:00] Yeah. But we haven't been there in probably five years and it's completely renovated, so it's all new, and even just the shops are different, or, just going down to the waterfront things have changed.

If you're willing to just see it. Fresh again. I think actually, yeah, being a tourist your own town is a lot of fun. And doing things impromptu, like my husband and I met after I worked, I got off work early today and my husband actually came and picked me up and I was like, Hey, like it's just the two of us.

The kids had gone somewhere else. They both drive now, so Goodness. They had gone somewhere else together and I look at him and I go, huh. I was like, should we go get some coffee? And he is yeah, there's a new place. And so we went to this amazing little Turkish bakery that I swear had the best baklava I've ever had.

So if you're in Colorado, please call me. I will tell you about it. However, it was so nice. It was like I, it was like we transformed into this. Place I had never been. I [00:17:00] felt like I was totally somewhere else. I didn't plan it. We didn't, but I don't, we don't do that enough. It's okay to be spontaneous like dinner.

We'll, wait, I knew I had a podcast with you, but I'll get there, right? Yep. It's okay. Yeah. And sometimes like just letting things. Even things that sometimes seem like a roadblock or something that happens oh, I'm late for this. Like taking some of the pressure off of it sometimes gives you an opportunity to make, fun out of it.

Or again, like I said the whole day rained, right? And we're like, okay we're not going on the lake. But we did lots of other cool things that we wouldn't have done if it was a nice sunny day. Yeah. Yeah. So are there little techniques that you as a coach talk people or clients through to help them reclaim their energy and have more fun?

The first thing always is awareness, right? If you and I think most of us have that, maybe [00:18:00] that inkling feeling that oh, I'm just not having as much fun as I used to, or Everything feels hard. I think those are signs to pay attention to, right? The, if you don't pay attention to those, I'm a true believer that, your body's constantly trying to tell you something, and those are the kind of signs that tell you like.

Things are not okay. You're either too stressed and then stress turns into other things. But so one of the other things too is just a reflection of when was the last time I laughed? When was the last time we did something so fun? Or the last time I did something where I lost track of time? 'cause that's usually a really good indicator.

If your answer isn't yesterday, then it's probably time to, to think about, unfortunately we do have to plan to be spontaneous. Sometimes. We have to make room and the thing that I tell my clients, 'cause especially usually 'cause they're overwhelmed and they're, like I said, a lot of them are in burnout.

This is not about adding more in. Absolutely not. It's what can you remove, like what can you take out of your day so that you have the [00:19:00] opportunity to be curious so you're not rushing from one thing to the other. So it's really, you have to make space in order to, to play. I mean I grew up in the generation where, go play until the streetlights come on.

And so we had to get creative 'cause there was literally nothing to do. And we. Built tree houses. And I don't know, we got into all kinds of trouble, but not really trouble, but just by being creative. 'cause there was no, you weren't coming in the house to watch TV and you just had to go figure things out.

But I think play also requires this element of space. And a lot of us have just filled our days with things that we don't like. And some of those you have to do, right? You have to pay your bills, you have to feed your kids, you have to do some things. But not all of those things have to happen. In your day all the time.

So just making some space, let the laundry sit for an extra day or, get the oil changed, tomorrow or whatever it is. Just making some free space to tap [00:20:00] into something fun. I find that we sometimes keep ourselves busy, like we, it's almost like a badge of honor that we're busy.

Sure. However, I think it also hides things that are truly under there, right? By being busy, then you don't have to sit down and go, huh, what should I do now? Or think about those things that maybe you don't wanna think about. So I don't think busyness is always good, and usually I don't think it's ever good.

And I think the other thing is if you're, if you really don't know what to do, 'cause and especially moms have a hard time with this of oh, what do I do with this free hour that I have? A simple way to get yourself out of that thing is do think about doing something for someone else.

Reach out to a mom friend. Hey, how are you doing today? You, or I used to love this. A friend of mine would always call me and be like, what are you doing? You wanna go grocery shopping with me? It's like one of those things where. Totally boring, totally a to-do thing. Not fun at all. But then when you add a [00:21:00] friend to the equation then all of a sudden you get to, you get to chat, you see what they're buying.

Oh, we've never tried that before, and I'm a big fan of doing errands together with friends. Hey, what are you doing later? You wanna go let's go, let's do a Costco trip together. Which could be dangerous, but Yeah, definitely. Or, Hey, I gotta go whatever. Just, do you wanna come ride along?

So I think one way to get yourself out of your own stuckness is to, reach out to somebody else or see if they need something and and then make that the fun. Yeah. And I also wanna say that it's not necessarily fun or play, but there's nothing wrong with. Being alone and sitting by yourself.

The other day we had all this chaos happening and I just was like, you know what, I'm just gonna go for a walk, which I love doing, and sit in the park. Yeah, that's near our house. And I just did, and I sat there for an hour and I just watched everybody else and it was lovely. And I came home and I was like, God, I feel [00:22:00] so balanced because nature is.

Already bound. So stepping into it can help ground you a little bit for sure. And it was lovely and I was like, why don't we just walk down the block and sit in the park at night? Like, why am I doing all these things? It, it was just so nice. So yeah, I think it's okay. We're all afraid of silence sometimes, or afraid of being alone, but that's okay too.

That can be recharging. Absolutely. And especially if you have, if you're an introvert, right? You need that kind of alone time to recharge. But even extroverts, it's nice to not constantly have a notification on your phone or listen, always listening to the radio or podcast or, whatever.

Not always have something. Your neurons need a break too, right? You don't always need to have input coming in. Reminds me, that's why, flotation tanks have become so popular over the last, 10 years. 'cause it's like an isolation tank, right? Like you're floating in water and it's completely dark if you let it be.

And the first time I did one of those, it was really [00:23:00] uncomfortable, right? Because it's there's literally no input. You can't see anything, you can't hear anything. It's just you in darkness. But it was actually like a really good experience once I went a few times and now I try to go, at least a few times a year.

. And it also reminds me that. When we're getting all downloaded all the time from all these stuff, it doesn't leave room for creativity to happen, right? So you know how you're showering and all of a sudden you get an idea in your head. It like happens all the time. For me, it's 'cause it's quiet and we've calmed down a little bit and all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I really wanna make this or do this.

But if we're constantly being bombarded, we don't have any room for creativity. Yep. Same thing for walks. I'm a big fan of walks too, like you said. I solve the world's problems when I'm out on a walk.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So slowing down can actually maybe even bring creativity for play. So yeah, I love that. And if you have any kind of [00:24:00] artistic inclination, right? Like you don't have to be good at drawing. One of, one of my favorite things to do is like watercolor. And sometimes I will draw, I don't know, an apple or a flower or something, but sometimes it's just like splotches on a paper.

And even that can be, the thing I love about art in that way is you also, unless you're doing paint by number, like there's no plan, right? You're like, what if I do a little bit here and do a little bit there? And sometimes you wreck it and that's okay, you start over. But. It's just this unplanned experimentation.

Yeah. Unplanned and in the moment, the two, yeah. Main ingredients of playing. So that's great. I love that. Now, what is one thing you want moms to start doing after they listen to today's episode? I would love moms to remember that they are important too. I think it's such a cliche you can't pour from an empty cup, but it's so true.

Like you truly cannot take care of everyone else if you are completely spent. And I used to [00:25:00] be someone who thought when everyone else is taken care of, that's when I get my time. My, my time never came. The kids always need something. The dog always needs something. My husband always needs something.

You have to just make time for yourself. You don't need to earn it. You already deserve it. And then when you feel good and in are joy and have to play, you're such, you show up so much better for everyone else too. So it's, it's worth. Investing that time in yourself because you just become a better mom, a better person, a better wife, a better, friend.

So remember that you have to be on your own to-do list. Yeah. Yeah. Which is our big motto here, putting yourself on top of your to-do list. Yeah. Yeah. And I also like to remind people we live in a world that so much is like on demand, and we can have it now, but we don't have to be on demand.

It's someone needs something but they [00:26:00] can wait. We are not. Surgeons here, we're not doing, lifesaving techniques. Yes, we're keeping people alive, but it can wait. If someone wants something, like you can go to the bathroom first for sure. You can grab yourself a glass of water before serving your child, whatever, or answering that question, right?

There is time. So I always think like it, it's so nice when you get like a demand just to count to. Three before you react, because there is time three. Yep. And the other one that I also, often say is it's okay if the kids have cereal for dinner one night too. You know what I mean?

Like the, those nights happen, they actually love it. Because they're, they prefer these night kids, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like it doesn't, whatever the day serves up, let it be okay. Oh yeah. I love cereal for dinner. I have teens now, however, like serving chicken tonight, I actually made a nice dinner tonight and my daughter is if I would've put like [00:27:00] Cheerios on the table, she would've been like, best dinner ever.

There's no need. If something's on the table, that is good enough, and if it's not, you know what? They can open a fridge. Absolutely. They can out some yogurt. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Where can the listeners find you and what do you offer?

Sure. So the best place to find me is on Instagram Yvonne Lee Hawkins, or at my website, yvonne lee hawkins.com. I offer a number of different things including one-on-one coaching for both wellness and leadership skills. I do workshops for companies usually dealing with leadership dynamics, but also in wellness programs.

Like how do you not burn out your, your top performers and how do you get the team to. Dynamics to work better. And then I also do chronic healing. So that is part of an offering service that I do, which is usually separate from the other two. Is a whole other modality of, healing yourself.

The thing I love about chronic healing is. One of the things that we're taught as [00:28:00] practitioners is that everyone has the ability to heal themselves. They just need the tools to do and that's what Chronic Healing does. And it again, is a removal of things where you're clearing, it's energetic clearing so that you're allowing space for goodness and for healing.

I love that. I love that.

Thank you so much for coming on the show and reminding us to play and just making it more realistic and less hard to Yeah, no pressure. Play as an adult. Less pressure, yeah. To play as an adult. Yeah, and if, remind yourself like what feels good, you know what feels good, you just gotta allow yourself to be like, do I wanna do this?

Do I wanna try something else? Let your body tell you. Yeah. We don't force yourself to play. Exactly. Thank you so much. Thanks, Lisa. Thank you for listening to this episode. Yvonne shared so much information and reminding us to play, find the things we enjoy [00:29:00] and have no expectation. Just leave some space for something new. and if you wanna learn more about Yvonne and what she has to offer, just click on the link in the show notes.

And until next week, keep carving out time for yourself and keep putting yourself on top of your to-do list.