This week is all about shedding the "hot mess" identity of motherhood and bringing the fun to parenting.
Ruthie Silver joins us in this week's conversation. She is a military spouse, an accomplished online marketing professional, and a proud IVF mom of two adorable boys. Ruthie, the podcast host of Talk Mommy To Me, empowers moms to shed the "hot mess" identity and embrace their true worth, so they can flourish as women and mothers and revel in the joys of life.
Guest Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2029536/share
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Hi Ruthie, welcome to Real Life Momz. I am really excited to talk to you today because not only are you a mom, but you're also what I like to call a momcaster, which I think I made up this word <laugh>. So I think it's a mom who is also a podcaster that focuses on moms. So yes, that is, that's gonna be in the dictionary one day. <laugh>
Heard it first here people.
Yes. And, your podcast is called Talk Mommy To Me. And one of the things you're passionate about on your podcast is empowering moms, which I just love, and shedding that hot mess identity and making motherhood fun again, which is so important cuz we can all get wrapped up in that. Thank you for coming on this show today.
Oh, it's my pleasure. I am just delighted to be here. You're such a positive voice for moms, and so to get to chat with you is something special. So thanks for having me.
Oh, thank you. So why don't you tell the listeners a little bit about just yourself and your background?
Sure. So I live here in the mountains of Vermont with my, uh, adorable little family. So I'm married to my husband Dan, who's, um, in the Army. And we have two boys, one who just turned four and one who will be two, uh, next week at the time of this recording. I work full-time for, um, a leading digital fitness and nutrition program. So I get to help a lot of moms actually, um, find their confidence, their energy, their strength set, healthy habits.
So that's what I do by day. And then yes, I podcast, I am passionate about helping moms see themselves as something other than a hot mess mom. So we chat about a lot of fun things over there as well.
Wow, okay. I didn't know all that <laugh>, but you do a lot. I mean, two and four that is, that's in it. That's a busy time <laugh>.
It is full-on. My boys are high-energy. I know more about construction vehicles than I ever thought I would <laugh> ever need to know. And we, you know, we have a blast and it is, you know, life is busy. It's jam-packed. They're on the go. Um, but I I truly love these ages. They're so fun.
Ugh. Okay. Well that is, I love that <laugh>. I think mine are older. So looking back at two and four, I remember how exhausted I felt. Like I, I feel like that was a really hard time. Yes, because I, I was working, I felt like work. I used to say at that time period, work was my day off. Like if I went to work and didn't have to stay home, I was actually off for the day cuz it was like lunch breaks and talking to adults and sitting at times. And so I was like, wow.
Oh yeah. So it's busy. Yeah. Yeah.
I think that's something too that like with stay-at-home moms, I'm like, you guys are the real MVPs because Yeah, you're right. There aren't breaks as a stay-at-home mom necessarily. And as a working mom, you kind of for a certain period during the day are like shifting your brain power. And you know, I work from home so sometimes I even feel a little bit guilty that I'm like in my house by myself, you know, like, and can like go get myself a snack anytime or like step outside on the deck and get a whiff of fresh air.
But then I'm like, you know what, if I were in office, my kid, my kids love their little daycare that they go to, they have a great time. And so, um, yeah. I kind of get the best of both worlds, which is really nice.
Yeah, that is nice. And that mom's guilt does not stop. Right? It's like you feel guilty for putting that like, I couldn't wait till my kids actually started kindergarten mm-hmm. <affirmative> because I felt so guilty. I don't even know why Cause I worked outside of the house, but I felt so guilty dropping them off at daycare. Yeah. But once they started school it was kind of like, well, they have to go,
It's legit. So
It's legit. Yeah, yeah,
Yeah. Totally. Some days I still, as much as they love their daycare and as much as I love my job, I sometimes I still like cry at drop off. Like I'm the mess. Right. And I think it's just because I think it's cuz I love my kids so much, you know, and mm-hmm. <affirmative>, so I wanna do what's best for them. And sometimes that can seem cloudy. Sometimes it's, there's not a straight answer to it, but when thinking about mom guilt, I really try and put it into two categories.
Either the guilt is productive for me or my kids or it's not productive. So for example, like let's say I lose my temper with my kids mm-hmm. <affirmative> and I feel guilt after, well guilt can be a productive emotion in that situation because maybe it makes me evaluate my behavior and come together and talk to them about what happened and apologize and connect over it and, and do better. That's productive guilt, but not productive Guilt would be like, I'm guilty that I have a job that helps me be happy and afford the lifestyle that we have while they're at a school that they love going to and they're playing at their friends and they're outside and they're doing activities.
So like I try and check myself and say, is this productive guilt or not productive? And that helps me
<laugh>. Yeah. No, that makes sense. And and I do think obviously, like we feel it so much more, like they, I they're not feeling it. I don't think they're really even affected by <laugh>. What, what that, what's happening. Like if you're dropping them off at daycare and you're going to work, they're not sitting there going like, oh, you know, maybe I don't wanna go to daycare today. You know? Yeah. It's just like, kids don't wanna go to school or I don't wanna go to work. Yeah. But I don't think they're sitting there, you know, being like, oh, that bad mom
<laugh>, yeah, exactly. Right. They just like, that's their routine. That's exactly what they know. And if that ever changes, you know, they, family is my top priority. Yeah. So I'm open to being flexible, um mm-hmm. <affirmative>, if my needs, my desires, my vision for my family changes, I'm, I'm open. But right now we're in a really good spot, so that's nice. Good.
Yes. Now I can assume what a hot mess identity is, but I think I should probably not assume because you, you know, go down awful paths when you assume something. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Right. So can you explain what exactly the hot mess identity is?
So, the hot mess mom identity is something that running rampant on social media right now, I would say, especially with moms of young kids like me. And that is, the culture in which motherhood is portrayed as a survival mode sentence. And where moms have normalized burnout and, um, being frazzled, being just like last on the list at the mercy of everybody's needs.
You know, not showering for a week. The only vacation you get is when you're going pee by yourself for two minutes mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, that sort of narrative mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I always say like, I've been there like I have those moments, but it's the chronic nature of it, like with, oh, that's just how motherhood is. Like, buckle up. It doesn't get easier. You're just gonna be tired, miserable, and not have any fun for the next 18 years, but oh, what a blessing. You know what I mean? It's like mm-hmm. <affirmative> <laugh>. So I am trying to show moms that there is a different option mm-hmm.
<affirmative> than that one. And while it's okay to like laugh sometimes and you know, poke fun at ourselves when we are having those hot mess moments, it, it can be a season, it can be a day. It doesn't have to be a lifestyle. Right. I think motherhood is so much more and worthy of so much more respect and honor and glorification than that.
I love that so much because, yes, I can definitely get into the hot mess moments. I can definitely like not shower or, you know, be less nonetheless. Or you make a whole dinner and like you serve it and you're like, realize there's like nothing left for you. You know, like we're all there <laugh>.
Been there but For sure. But I love, like even in the beginning of this conversation how you were like, I have a two and a four-year-old and I already went to like, oh my god, two and four, that's like the hardest time ever. Right? But you were like, no, I'm having so much fun. Yeah. And I love that because yeah, like it's, it's like so much easier to talk, you know, it's always easier to talk about the negative stuff. Right. And we can all come together and like yeah. Dwell on all that negative stuff, but Right. To actually talk about the positive stuff could also have that same effect of just lifting everybody up.
So I love that.
Yeah. I think, you know, it's really important that we've come to a place where moms can shed more light, on what we're really going through. Like, hey, it's not all sunshine and rainbows as much as I love my kids. And I think we've come a long way in that we can express, you know, these feelings that we're having in, in an authentic, vulnerable, raw way. But now that we've established that we have that outlet, what are we gonna do about it?
<laugh>. Like <affirmative>, it's good to have that to talk about, but I can't think of one area aside from motherhood in life and in modern society where it's acceptable to feel like crap all the time. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So like as young girls were taught, like when you're dating, you know, if someone that you're interested in doesn't treat you well, then they're not the one for you.
And you don't have to be in a situation where you know where someone's not treating you the way you deserve. When you're in college, study what you want, it's gonna be a good experience. You know, take classes that you're interested in when you're at a job. If they don't value you, if they don't appreciate your worth, it's not the right fit. Same thing in like marriage, but with motherhood it's just, hey, it's, yeah, it sucks. Like you're, you're tired all the time. Welcome to the hood. That's how it is. And I just, I just think that you know, if you surround yourself with that thought, you're gonna keep yourself small and you're going to kind of perpetuate this cycle of stress, of unfulfillment, of um, anxiety.
Beautifully said. So what I'm thinking is, how do you break free from it? <laugh>?
That is an important question. I think the first step, for moms is to just be open to the fact that there is a different option. Like sometimes we're so in it that we don't even stop to think like, Hey, am I feeling the way I wanna feel as a mom is the energy and the vibe in my home, even what I, what I want? And realizing that we have, some onus over that.
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that's a very important mindset shift. The other piece of that is, like, starting really small. So for me, what I had to do was insist that I drink my coffee while it was hot. Mm. And at the beginning, that was a push, right? Cuz my, my kids are young, they're all over me. They wanna, you know, they need more apple, they wanna play cars. They, you know, they'll find reasons to <laugh> come over to you and engage with you.
And so when I start first started saying that, setting that boundary, they weren't like, oh, good for you mom. Like, I'm so glad that you're taking care of yourself and honoring that boundary and carving out five times for you. They were like, no, but mom, I wanna play mom, mom, mom, mom. You know? But I had to just practice with that small, small little part of my day, kind of taking ownership of it and, and meeting my needs. And as silly as it is that five minutes, that hot cup of coffee while the kids are playing around me makes me feel good.
I'm like, I got this. This is nice. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, so finding those small, small ways where you can start to kind of reclaim yourself and be intentional, well intentional about the way you conduct yourself in your home. And I also think like viewing your kids as like these interesting little humans. Like, I'm so intrigued by my children. I don't view them as distractions from me, from myself, something that's keeping me from something else.
And so I really think it's a lot, of mindset work to start. Um, and then, you know, taking the little actions to back that
Up. I mean, gosh, I wish we would've met like 10 years ago, or <laugh>. My kids were younger cause I'm still drinking my cup of coffee cold. But I think it's, it's actually me though. It's not my kids. I just keep leaving at places and running around. But, that's okay. I have a Yeti cup now, and it keeps it hot. So when, oh, there you go. It does help. There you go. It does help. I love what you're doing. Because what I didn't realize when my kids are small, I think so I, I guess I'm a little older maybe, but like when my kids were smaller, I definitely had the mindset of like, oh, everything has to be perfect.
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I'm like in there and doing things, and I was like a working mom too, so I didn't have all this time mm-hmm.
<affirmative>. But I, I definitely felt that. So when I finally realized like, okay, we could be messy, we could be ourselves. This does not have to be perfect. It was definitely like, ah, but what I didn't do until much older, like now I do this but much older and I wish I would've started as you did, is just setting some of those little boundaries because the kids like learn routine, you know? And if they know that mommy gets up, has her breakfast, takes like, you know, 20 minutes to do this and we're just gonna sit in our room or around, you know, whatever you're doing in the living room or if they're sitting at the table, wherever they are, they just get used to that routine and they respect it.
And I feel like I didn't see that until they were, you know, much older. Like honestly, like every Thursday, I podcast around this time, you know? Yeah. And I've got people running in and out of the house <laugh> while doing so mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, but they know I'm down here; there's no calls to help me do this or that. If something happens, they're gonna take care of it. You know, like that, they know that it's been a routine and I wish I started that much, much younger.
Yeah. Well, hindsight, right? I just, in hindsight for me it was like a necessity. I felt that, especially in kind of today's motherhood culture, when we are expected to do so much, entertain our kid's work, be the, you know, the primary caregiver in many situations, like, I just felt myself like losing control over my day. And that really messes with your mind. And so I think it's good for the kids.
I think it's good for me. And as long as I just set that expectation and I follow through in a kind but gentle way,, they typically catch on. But I know what you mean. It, it can be really tricky, and I'm sure, and you're ahead of me in this, that you're only faced with more in different ways. You know, that you need to establish some sort of ground rules or preserve your energy and that sort of thing. Oh
Yeah. It definitely gets different as they get older because now it's like they can drive, you know, and I go to bed at nine, but I also <laugh> or 10 on a late night. Okay. I go to bed at early. Yeah. I am tired. I get up at five. But you know, my kids like, they can, you know, my daughter can drive, and she could stay out till midnight mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I need to know she's home. Right. Like, I don't wanna be up all night and then have to go to, you know, whatever it is. So yeah, there's definitely needs of ground rules to just also allow myself to be able to like still relax in a different way that I'm not worried about where she is.
Right. So it's, it does, it gets very different, um, and different boundaries.
Yeah. And whatever that, those little things are too, that makes a difference in how you feel and how you view yourself as a mom, I think are really important. Um, so to me, like moms, were the heartbeat of our homes, I like to say. And so we're irreplaceable in our homes. And so we've got to kind of be our own like hype people and say, you know what? I'm worthy. I'm a leader. I've got this. And if I don't, I'll ask for help.
Even though it's hard, it's hard to ask for help. But that's not a cop-out to not do it. I'm gonna determine like what my priorities are, my values, and I'm gonna, you know, create an atmosphere that I feel that I feel good about, that I feel proud ab about that I feel like addresses, you know, the, the needs of the people that I'm responsible for Yeah. For my own self, you know?
Yeah, totally. I love, I love that you do that, and I love that you're doing it already. And I love the idea of a mindset shift and how you have a curiosity for your kids versus feeling like, I'm trying to get this done, and I'm being distracted. Um, cuz that, you know, that changes the feeling in the room when we are frustrated <laugh>. Um, cuz they're trying to accomplish something. So I love that. So I know fun is part of your, you know, what you like to do.
You like to make motherhood fun. So how do you do that?
I think that if you are looking for fun, you're gonna find it. So like, just before I came down here, my kids were like singing songs and playing, playing music and playing with their trucks. And I think, like, first of all, I find it fun to show a genuine interest in what they're doing. Um, they were excited to sing for me, and so I reflected that excitement back, and I got up, and I danced. So I'm always looking for like, the fun in little moments.
And then, you know, I want my kids to look back and say like, my mom had this almost like whimsical air about her. Like my mom made light, like made things come to life mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so that's, that's just my perspective. And so, you know, my kids are two and four. We're not like going to concerts at night and partying.
We're like going to the park, and we're going to the playground, and we're going to the library. And so moms can have fun at those things too. I try and have as much fun as like my kid, who has found a cool new rock <laugh>. You know, like I try and just harness that spirit. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And sometimes that means like, I, I gotta, I got a preface this. I am not like the fun mom. There are a couple like, definitions of fun mom, I feel like that are floating out there.
I'm not the fun mom that's like sugar, skip your naps. Like whatever, screw it. Let's have fun. I mean, there are days that call for that and it's like whatever. Um, and I'm not the fun mom that like, that manipulates fun. So like, I'm not coming up with these activities or these in-depth crafts to be fun mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. I'm more like, let's just let life naturally be fun. I want to smile at my kids. I want to find stuff to laugh about.
I want to be silly. And so that's, that's how I view fun. Like everyday fun or Yeah. Making the ordinary into the extraordinary kind of fun.
Yeah. I love that. Um, I, I am, I was, and I say was, 'cause I don't really do this anymore. I'm more like you now. Probably just being fun in the moment. Like I'll be doing the dishes and we're singing and dancing and Yeah. I don't know if my kids think that's cool or not. Cuz like I said, they're teens <laugh>, but it's fun.
Yeah. I'm sure they'll look back on it fondly.
<laugh>. No, they, they sometimes, you know, do a little jig or two. Yeah. They, they won't, they'll deny it, but it's true. Yeah. But, um, when they were younger, I was probably the one that came up with like activities, like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I remember I would do crazy stuff, and it, and my kids still remember it. So I, I'm really excited about it. Um, I've done a few crazy things, like one of which is coming to mind is I made like a whole mini golf <laugh>, um, course Oh my gosh inside our house. And so I just like would take Potts and pans and things like that and, you know, we'd have like one putter and a ball and then we'd have like, you know, just different things cardboard.
Good. It was so much fun. And then I made, and we would say, oh, we're doing mini golf night. And we'd be like literally in the house. And so we would do things like that and
I'm gonna steal that idea.
Oh, steal over that.
I can do that, I thought you were gonna say some really intricate craft, and I was gonna be like,
No, I'm excited about that idea, but I just cannot. But I can do pots and pans and minigolf. That's
Oh yeah. Blast. Totally. So fun. And the other one that actually my kids said the other day because, um, it was St. Patrick's Day, you know, like, what, a month ago or something. And on St. Patrick's Day, I'll never forget I did this coolest thing when they were probably similar to your age kids where I had little green footprints leading from their room to basically outside. But along the way, there was like, candy dropped, like Skittles or Starburst mm-hmm. <affirmative> or things like that. And it led all the way out and had little notes, I think.
And the clues led all the way outside to our play set, which had a rainbow on top. Like the plate was one of those rainbow play sets and, and it had like their pot of gold and oh
Gosh. They were like, do you remember what we did? <laugh> St. Patrick saying, no, granted, I'm not Irish, I just love holidays, so I'll have to like celebrate anything. Love a good theme. And now I'm like, well we do corn, beef and cabbage still like <laugh>. They didn't; they did not think that was great. <laugh>. So, so this year, like the other year I brought, I bought like lucky charms just to make them feel better. But um, but yeah, so yeah, so I've done some really creative, fun ideas, but you have to plan. That's awesome. You to plan a little bit. I've become less of a planner as they got older.
You do have to plan. And I think if you have an idea that sparks you and you feel inspired, go for it. And if that's not your thing, that's okay too. You have plenty of other opportunities for fun. I'm like amazed my mom's like that, who like come up with, come up with these things and make these awesome memories.
And you know what, it was fun then, but like yeah. To do something like that now no fun. So I don't do it. <laugh>
Yeah. You kind of gotta honor what your version of fun is. And I think too, like as moms, you know, we can have fun just as women, you know, we can carve out time for our own fun as well, and that's only gonna make us in brighter spirits at home.
Yes. Yeah. And my kids actually love when I do that. I have to say, especially my daughter, like I'll do a mom's night or a, you know, even invite a few friends over. We're all how all happen to be parents, but you don't have to be, and we will, you know, do either a movie night or, you know, sometimes it's about business. We all have our own businesses and we're all getting together just to talk about business, but we're sitting outside and having wine and cheese and my daughter loves when I do that. Like for her to see her mom do something like that, I think it inspires her that she'll continue to have some fun traditions to look forward to almost.
Yeah, absolutely. And that's such a good point is, you know, our kids are really looking at us and they're absorbing our mood, what we're doing, how we're living our life. And not to say that as like a, a heavy, like be careful of what you're doing and saying at all times because if you don't have fun, your kids are gonna like grow up and need therapy, but they are kind of taking their perspective of the world from your lead. And so as moms, that's a really cool opportunity for us to live this version ourselves that we would want our kids to feel proud of.
To say, I got to see my mom, you know, she hosted these get-togethers and she had all these incredible women and uh, empower empowered me and inspired me. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so sometimes I think when we get so caught up in the day-to-day, we downplay that within ourselves, you know, and we're like, I'm just the, the laundry doer. I'm just the meal maker. I'm just the snack giver. I'm just the car driver. And no, you're not, you know, you're so much more than that.
And if you also, you're looking like you're having no fun. Like all you do is chores and all you do is drive around. Like that's not gonna make them wanna become a parent <laugh>, you know, like it looks terrible. Yeah. In fact, my daughter said to me one day, because let's face facts, we got our kids to do chores later. Like we, we were not on the ball right away with this mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and my daughter goes, uh, mom, just fyi, I am gonna be teaching my kids chores. Like immediately <laugh>.
I was like, I tried hon. I've I used all the charts and all the things and, but you guys just really didn't do it until I basically, I just, the way I got my kids to do chores is I just stopped doing 'em. Honestly, I don't go into the room, I don't clean it, I don't do their laundry. <laugh>, I don't do,
That's one like low pressure for mom's method. Yeah.
Doing it. I didn't,
I don't know if I'd recommend it for others, but it really works in my household <laugh>. So I just let you, there you go. I don't do that. Yeah.
Gotta do what works for you,
<laugh>. Now I am a bit scared to ask you this because I saw an Instagram post, and I think I saw you, and I wanna say you were running, and you had a stroller and a, and a sun and a carrier too. Were you like running <laugh> with pushing a stroller? Yeah, and I, yeah. Okay. Oh, so yeah, so for the listeners, you were running with one of those jogging strollers and you had an infant carrier with another kid in it. So you're running with two kids <laugh>,
So that doesn't actually sound very safe. It was like a 22nd flip of me pushing my kid on like one of those little kid tris with like the handle for the parents.
We live in the middle of nowhere, so we're on this open dirt road and for some reason I'm looking back at my husband, I'm like, how was I even in this position? Why were you just walking with a phone and I'm pushing the kid on the trike and have the kid, the baby and the carrier, but that's a different conversation. Anyway, he captured a really fun moment because I thought, you know what, let's just, let's turn this up a notch. So I started kind of running with my son and I'm like holding the infant carrier so he is not babbling around too much. But yeah, they had a blast and that's one of the reasons I take good care of myself too, is to be able to keep up with those two and haul them around and run them around and
Well, and it brings me to health and fitness because I struggle. I get up early in the morning and okay. This week I have to say I was very like not motivated to get on my treadmill, but that's what I struggle with. I struggle with keeping up with the health and fitness. Cause I think when I get a little overwhelmed or a little busy or, or I wanna give myself mm-hmm. <affirmative> a gift of time, say Yeah. To do nothing. Yeah. It's, that's the first to go. Yeah. My, the health and fitness first to go. I'm eating something poorly and I drop my exercise.
So Yeah. How do you, how do you help us moms? Um,
What are your, tell me a little bit about like your health and fitness goals right now and your expectations of
Yourself. Wow. Okay. Because I'm thinking, well, I don't really have a goal, but I do, I think my goal is just to be healthy. So I think healthy is moving my body every day for at least 30 minutes, whether that's walking or biking or whatever it is. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, I believe healthy is also quiet. Mindfulness. So meditation. Yeah. Um, so yeah, so I wanna be able to give myself like, I would say an hour a day of some sort of movement meditation, kind of maybe even stretching in yoga kind of thing.
Yeah. I think that's kind of my goal. But I, I do dip off and I feel like every Monday is like, oh, I could just restart on Monday.
<laugh>. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. It's tricky when we've got so many different demands on our time and sometimes all we want to do is like crush on the couch mm-hmm. <affirmative> or sleep in a little bit. Um, but you know, it sounds like you have a really holistic view of health, so that's really good. Um, I think the key, a couple key things is doing something that's two things. It's productive towards your goals, so it's the right thing for your goal and it's something that you enjoy and can stick to sustainably.
So, um, I'm a big fan of strength training for women. I think that that's the, the most important exercise to be doing, no matter your goal. So whether you want to kind of trim down, tighten up, whether your goal is more on your posture, your bone health, your longevity, that that is my number one, uh, recommendation for moms is strength training.
I ask why, why strength training? Yes.
I would love to tell you why. So strength training has a very impressive resume. So first off, it's an anabolic form of exercise and that means that it's going to help build and preserve your muscle mass and muscle is what we women need on our frame for a thriving metabolism. So the more muscle you have on your frame, the more lean muscle mass you have, the more calories your body is going to burn at rest.
So let's say you go on that treadmill for 30 minutes, and I'm not saying you should keep track of your calories, but hypothetically you burn 130 calories. That calorie burn stops right then and there the second you get off that treadmill, you do a strength training session for 30 minutes, your body is going to continue to burn calories, maybe even 24 hours after. So that means that right now we're on this podcast, I did my strength training workout this morning, my body's still burning calories from that session.
So it's very metabolism promoting, um, because your muscle is related to your metabolism. We need a thriving and healthy establishment of muscle mass in order to have that tight and kind of toned look that people often desire. We need it to preserve like our hormonal function. We need it for our strength. Strength training is great for your bones, your posture. So those are some of the reasons I love.
I love it. It's also low cortisol. So we women are stressed, right? If you are, whether you acknowledge like I'm very stressed or not, most women I know have some sort of underlying stress from motherhood, from working, from managing a household. All of those things add up to stress. And so when you pair like excessive cardio or even high intensity training, like a lot of those big box classes that people taking or group fitness classes that people taking, that adds more stress to your body.
So you don't want to do anything that's going to add additional stress to your system. A stressed body cannot burn fat, a stressed body cannot regulate its hormones properly. So too often I see women turning to more cardio, more high intensity exercise and it can be a recipe for disaster, especially when paired with undereating, which is a whole different side of the coin. Um, so strength training is good because it adds muscle to your frame and preserves lean muscle and it is a low stress form of exercise.
Those are two reasons why I love it forgiven.
Fascinating. And it makes you feel like, it makes you feel like strong and powerful.
Yeah. Fa Well, and it's funny cuz I'm like, I have to lift weights and it's me going into like, well it's osteoporosis down the road, right? Like <laugh> because I have hit menopause, so I'm like, I need the strain train. But yeah. So how much do you actually recommend for strength training? Like, I know everyone's different, I mean, but is there a specific like amount or anything that's kind of more general?
I, you can get a lot done in 30 minutes. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you don't need to spend more than 30 minutes. Personally, I love 30 minutes five times a week, but keep in mind I'm in the fitness industry and I've been working out for, you know, more than half my life at this point. Um, so just starting out, you could do like three total body sessions, 30 minutes and you can add four. You wanna make sure sure. To incorporate enough rest and you wanna do something that's, you know, progressively challenging for you.
So that might be squatting with no weight at first if you're not used to doing strength training. Um, and then gradually adding that weight on. But continuing to challenge yourself and add more stimulus to your muscle is how you're going to, um, reap the most benefits. And like, you, you won't bulk up. Trust me, I've been working out, I've been strength training for <laugh>, like how old am I now? 15 years mm-hmm. <affirmative> and you see me and you wouldn't say like, oh, she looks like, you know, Arnold's Schwarzenegger. Right. You know, so don't fear the strength training.
I I run into that a
Lot too. Right? Is that like low weight but high reps? Is that what, because that doesn't make you bulky, right? Or does it not matter?
So n it's not gonna make you bulky either way. And I actually, I would recommend that you do, um, you lift a weight that, um, is challenging. Like by the end of the 12th rep, you're like, screw this, I can't do another one.
<laugh>, I think you just lost my fun of it though. <laugh>
<laugh>. But you'd be surprising how fun that feeling gets.
Okay. I I'll I'll let you know. I'm, I'm gonna try it bud. Yes.
Let me know. Once your body gets used to it, it starts to crave it. And once you see yourself progress based on, you know, that, that protocol, it's very gratifying and it kind of helps you like train, train for life. You know, you're gonna be tested, you're gonna be challenged outside of the gym or your home, wherever you're working out. And so I, you know, strength training has a lot of mental benefit as well. You know, I love a good like run or walk to clear my head, but I'm, I don't recommend that women rely on that as their main form of exercise, um, each day.
Okay. Yeah. I'm, I've always been a cardio kind of girl. Like I used to run a lot and so the walking kind of ch you know, now walking is kind of my running, but um, walking
Is amazing. Like use that for your walking meditation or go on a walk with friends, you know, bond with other moms, clear your head, get fresh air, like use walking as more of like a lifestyle tool than your main kind of roadmap to results. If your goal is to become stronger, if your goal is to potentially tighten up, lose some inches, if your goal is to provide yourself, your, your body a strong structure in the form, um, you know, of anti-aging and longevity and that sort of thing.
Yes, yes. And yeah. And I just need to do something at this point <laugh>. So yeah. I think. All right. All right. I usually start on Mondays when I get off track, but tomorrow is Friday and I'm gonna get myself up at my normal time and I'm gonna maybe start with 20 minutes of lifting. We'll see how it goes. Yeah,
That sounds perfect. That sounds wonderful. That sounds like a great place to start.
Yeah. Awesome. Now can you tell us about, um, your podcast and where listeners can find you?
Sure. I would love to thank you for asking. So my podcast is called Talk Mommy To Me. So we do a lot of conversations like this where I have moms on, and we kind of get to the heart of motherhood. And I also am going to start to do a lot more solo episodes. I'll bring my husband on for some, and he is always a hoot. Um, we'll talk about our IVF journey, we'll talk about marriage, we'll talk about, you know, parenting from both sides of the coin, which I think is important.
And yeah, I really aim to give moms more practical tips like this to lift them up, to reassure them and convince them that they're not a hot mess and they don't have to live in that, in that frequency. So we have a lot of fun, and I share little glimpses into my life here in the mountains of Vermont on Instagram at ruthie.silver And then I also have a podcast account. It's at talkmommytomepod.
Awesome. Yes. I love your podcast and I love what you're doing. It's, it is really fun. Um, thank
Is there any other message you really want the listeners to like hear today?
You know, we've covered a lot of great ground, so hopefully it's been entertaining and helpful for moms out there. But, you know, I always like to remind moms that they have a choice and they're actually in a position of power, whether they realize it or not, an agency over their own life. So if you are feeling like there's even something in your home that you want to change something within you, you're, you're feeling off. Like it doesn't have to become your norm.
And, and you can, you can write the story and find a lot of, um, you know, fulfillment and empowerment in that.
Ugh, I love that. I love that you can write the story. I mean, be the director of your own movie, right? You can, you can write in you want.
Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to live in reactive mode. You can chart the course.
Yeah, totally. It doesn't always feel that way, but yeah, take,
It doesn't, and it doesn't always, it doesn't always work out like you don't have complete control, let's be honest. But you can set into motion some things that are gonna make you feel really good and make things feel more aligned mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, and centered in your home.
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Well, thank you for having this just lovely conversation, this lovely mom conversation. Yes. And for all you do to inspire other moms, I really appreciate it.
Oh, thank you. Right back at you. I love your podcast. It's such a great community that you're growing, and I love, you know, what you're about in the motherhood space as well. So I really appreciate just our conversation and having the chance to come on and speak with you.
Thank you for listening to this episode. I love the way Ruthie is enjoying each moment with her kids, and we don't have to be a hot mess. We can make time for ourselves, even if it's just starting with drinking our coffee while it's hot. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends.
Ruthie is a dynamic military spouse, accomplished online marketing professional, and a proud IVF mom of two adorable boys. Ruthie empowers moms to shed the "hot mess" identity and embrace their true worth, so they can flourish as women, mothers, and revel in the joys of life.