Welcome back to the Real Life Moms podcast, where we can take a much needed break from parenting and take time to focus on ourselves. I'm Lisa Foster, your host, and today we're uncovering subconscious blocks around money that hold us back.
And I am here with Elvira Cabreja. She is a trauma informed success coach and she's going to help guide us as we uncover our root cause of our money blocks so we can make more money.
I'm so excited. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. Well, thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I love the talk about money to begin with. I know you really get to the subconscious level of it, and I think that's so important, but money talk is kind of taboo to begin with, right? Like people don't talk about it.
We don't talk about it with each other, but there's a lot of underlying stuff, which you're going to help us through that can really hold us back from our potential. Yeah. Absolutely. And you know, that's so funny because [00:01:00] we live in a world that money is needed for our survival.
It's not like it's, , nice to have, it's what we need to our survival, and it's so interesting that is still where we are. That is a taboo topic. Yeah, it's like it also the results of how much we have, I feel like it makes us feel like we define ourselves by it, like how well we're doing in life.
And I think maybe it's taboo also because of the insecurities that are around it when we're talking about it. Yeah, absolutely. And, we are our generational patterns and our Family conditioning play a big part in that, right? So, coming from a male led generation where it's like, they are the ones that make the money and in the male aspect, they don't have problems speaking [00:02:00] about their money.
It's us women, especially moms, right? Because us mom, if we're. Doing part time or stay at home mom, there's a, feeling connected to that we are beneath, right, that we are submitting to the men or, you know, whatever it is. And. All of this is subconscious, we don't even realize that that is playing out in the background, which then we feel a certain type of way, which we then feel unsafe even talking about it with even our, closest friends.
So true. Now, I know that you kind of have your own blocks that you overcame, right? I know that on the outside, your life might look a certain way, kind of perfect, but on the inside, you weren't necessarily feeling that way. So do you mind sharing a little bit about your background and maybe some of the steps you had to overcome with your [00:03:00] blocks?
Yeah, absolutely. So I am a wife and we've been together for over 20 years, married 15 and we have four kids. They range from ages 13 through four, three girls and my baby boy. And I, have a degree in computer science. And then, life happened and we made the courageous choice for me to leave corporate.
So that I can be more present because we were consciously creating our family, right? And we noticed how, the patterns believe in our trauma were playing out as parents and in our kids lives, right? But coming into entrepreneurship, that's no, no joke. right. And, and being a mom revolving her life around her kids and then creating an entrepreneurship journey around that, that it's like so much [00:04:00] like dynamics and it was crazy.
So I came thinking that I was going to use the same skills that made me successful as a project manager in the IT industry, right? Like I was making six figures plus in a prestigious job. But then we, That's why I chose for me to stay home, right? And that really, like, shocked everybody around us.
So much that they would call my husband, it's like, is she okay? Is everything okay? And we're like, oh, we're more than okay. But creating, An entrepreneurship, path and being a stay at home mom, right? Like it was like a duality that I didn't, I wasn't familiar with. I wasn't comfortable with, I wasn't educated into, right?
Like I was raised by a single mom to ingrained in me to never depend on a man. And here I am depending on a man. [00:05:00] So the shock in my system was. Very, debilitating to say the least. So I just didn't understand what was happening. And as the more I try to make my business work and be a mom and be present, the more I failed and I just couldn't understand what was happening.
I just couldn't. connect the dots. I was doing the mindset work, like I was doing the, the mantras and looking at the mirror and, you know, saying I love myself and I could do this and, and so on. And I have all the time in the world that I need, but I wasn't moving forward. And instead I was feeling scared.
I was feeling tension in my body, like, like having like panic attacks and stuff like that. And there was something within me that was like, you, there's, there has to be a solution to this. There has to be a solution to this. And that's when the trauma informed aspect came in and my nervous [00:06:00] system was feeling unsafe with entrepreneurship, with being taken care of by a man, and I do this because he's my husband, like, we made an agreement, everything was fine, but my system felt Like it was dying.
And I just didn't understand how our nervous system was so correlated to the actions we were taking, that it wasn't just mindset, that it wasn't just your belief system, that it was so much more than that. So once I began to like work through that, right, things began to fall in line, meaning I was able to have more peace being a mom and an entrepreneur.
I was able to. Like block those times up with being more focused during my working hours and be more focused during my parenting hours, having it all, right? Like they say, you can't really have it all. Yeah, you can. It just [00:07:00] has to look differently than just having it all in one moment in time. So that allowed me to like, you know, not only feel peace in my body, be more present for my family.
Be more present and provide even deeper transformations to my clients, which then obviously that's going to generate more money. Right. Yes, totally. My question though is, these are kind of subconscious, deep feelings, thoughts that are like literally ingrained in almost our cellular layer at some point.
Absolutely. How do you find them? How do you even discover, know what, know what they are? Well, it's the same way that you do your belief system, right? Like if you just pay attention, you become aware, your triggers are your greatest, teachers, when you complain, that's an unmet need.
So paying attention, what What triggers you, what makes you [00:08:00] sad or angry or frustrated those quote unquote negative emotions. And I say quote unquote because no emotions is negative, right? All emotions are just information, right? Like, like anger is such a beautiful, emotion to have. It actually moves us into change, but we are all afraid of feeling anger, right?
This is like how you get to uncover what's really going on. And when you can say, Oh, I got triggered by that. And just becoming open and curious throughout your experience in life, throughout a conversation between you and I.
Through just looking at your kids. Through. Watching a movie and it's like, it's so interesting. It's like, everything is data, but if you're focused enough, you can find so much of what is happening within your internal world by just being curious and be like, Hmm, why did I get angry about that? [00:09:00] For example, one of the key triggers for me is, , when somebody's trying to sell me.
And they just like, Oh, hi, how you doing? And they like, Oh, you're so great and this and that, and like, Oh, we have this in common. And then the moment that I say, Oh no, I'm not interested in your product. They ghost me. Right. Yeah. Yes. And then I would get triggers like, Oh my God, they're so fake
but when I became open and curious about why, why I so triggered in that is, I felt played, I felt taken advantage of. And then what is that? Like, I just keep going to the deeper and deeper until I find the root cause of the problem. And. Like, for example in that is like, well, I'm connecting fakeness to entrepreneurship that then I don't wanna be fake.
And then even deeper than that is like, where is that even coming from? Like how do, are you correlating that? Well, my dad was [00:10:00] an entrepreneur and he lived a, a life that wasn't as. Integral. And I don't want to correlate myself to that. And it's just like, how deep is that? So this is practice.
It takes practice. So listeners, you know, just be open and curious. And if you can get to the, that one first layer, that's progress. And that first layer being the feeling, right? Like the anger, so Collecting the data of what's going on and how you're feeling and can I also ask, I mean, these are negative emotions, right?
Could there be positive ones too? Yeah. Emotions are energy emotions. They are also data, right?
Extremes of emotions are not good, right? Like the extremes of like super joyous, super everything, right. To super angry, super dysregulated or like dorsal meaning like shut down, I don't want to go anywhere. We don't want to go there.
For too long, [00:11:00] however, we shouldn't be making meaning of them other than, Oh my God, I feel like I don't want to see anybody and giving ourselves permission to feel that. Right. Then with the, the, like, I'm super excited and I want to just like, you know, travel the world.
, if you have it great, but if you put yourself in there because of that one feeling of really. Running towards the, I just want to feel that, that spark. You can easily get yourself into a lot of trouble too. Right? So, at the end of the day, it's
like looking at these emotions as, okay, is this an emotion that I want to overcome or an emotion that I want to learn from, right?
And when it comes to joy, like for, for example, for me, what happens with me is that I get too excited about, let's say a product. Instead of like pausing and allowing myself to feel that excitement and then make the decision, sometimes I take action on the excitement, which [00:12:00] then puts me into trouble and then I will regret it.
So it's, it's really about pausing in the emotion, responding to it versus reacting to it. The reacting versus responding is really key. So when you're noticing an emotion, let's use anger.
Are there specific questions or steps I can take to help myself kind of peel back those layers to know what's going on? Really behind that emotion. Yeah, I mean, and I would love for you for anyone to practice their intuitive knowledge around this and and I can give you a bunch of questions, but it's even more important for you to cultivate that Curiosity within yourself so that you know what questions to ask yourself
like I'm really big about Providing that empowerment, like that inner power within you and cultivating that for my clients so [00:13:00] that they don't always think that they need me to get to the root cause. My goal is to teach you how to get to your own cause, for example, I'm angry, I saw something or somebody spoke to me and that angers me.
So it's really about being open and curious. So it's like. Naming the emotion is extremely important. I feel angry. You don't know how many women, especially moms, that do not give themselves permission to honor that feeling. To say, to really like admit, I am angry. And then, if you give your permission, can I say, do I really feel upset or am I angry? that's a great question to ask. challenge yourself, then the simple question is why am I angry? Yeah. I don't know. But if you did know, why would you be angry?
And that one question is so powerful. If you give yourself the, the opportunity to answer, if you didn't know, the [00:14:00] first thought Is the reason. And then once that comes through, Oh, I didn't like the way they spoke to me. Why didn't I like the way they spoke to me? Right? Like, become that third person.
Right? Within yourself. Cultivate that. That relationship of asking yourself if it was your child, how would you walk your child through uncovering what's behind the anger is how I would encourage you to do that. Do it for yourself. Right. Cause how many times do we take our kid and they're upset about something and it's like, well, what happened?
Well, why do you feel that way? Right. Those questions come so easy. Right. Right. But it's almost like turning that mirror onto yourself and doing the same thing just for yourself. And I love that you said it's the first thing that comes to your mind because that, that is your subconscious mind, right? The conscious mind is the one that's like thinking about it and figuring [00:15:00] out, but the subconscious mind is that one that just pops in and it's that.
That thing that just comes into your mind. Yeah. And a quick, tip I want to give, our listeners is that when we look up, we're actually tapping into our conscious mind. Ooh. But when we look down, we're tapping into your subconscious mind. So you'll notice that when we're feeling really deep, strong emotions, we'll like look down and like feel right.
So when you're actively wanting to tap into your subconscious mind, like looking down, help activate that. Wow. Yeah. So, you know, there's little tricks. And at the end of the day, it's really about cultivating your inner wisdom because you have all the answers. Like all of them. Yes. And I think a lot of people don't trust the answers that come to them
yeah. And what I [00:16:00] say to that is, what would you tell your kid? You know, we are really like kids growing up within ourselves. So here's the trauma informed lens that I want to share, right? So, our traumas lead us. Our traumas are why we make the decisions we make.
Our traumas are why we do the things that we do. choose the people that we choose, say the things that we say, have the belief system that we have. So if we understand that our traumas are really what's leading us, then being curious of like, what happened to me? That I'm afraid of speaking up and that one question, like what happened to me that I am X, Y, Z, a memory will come up.
I guarantee you, and then they doubt that memory because another thing, our realities were [00:17:00] denied. So it's like such layers. And it's like, oh, okay, so we are conditioned to not believe ourselves because we were trained to believe other people above ourselves. So now we have to untrain that, honestly, like conscious living requires you to become conscious and if you're consciously Doing parenting that way as well.
You're most likely Teaching your child to tap into their inner wisdom and trust it above yours you have to mirror that within yourself as well. Yes. And when you say traumas, I just want to clarify because there can be like obviously big traumas that happen to you, but it could also be little traumas like maybe a teacher told you, had the wrong answer and you got all.
Like I'm never going to speak again in class, right? Those are more of a smaller trauma, yeah, and this whole big T and little t trauma thing. It's like such a. a [00:18:00] dialogue and you know, like a lot of people just say, Oh no, I didn't have any trauma. If you're alive, you have traumas.
I tell my kids, I'm like, I am a trauma informed coach and I take courses on trauma and I am pretty very well versed in trauma and I am traumatizing you. I am not consciously or intentionally doing that. So just know that. And there's going to be a time and a place you're going to come to me and you're going to say this, right?
And I am going to be open and curious. And I want you to know that you can come to me, but honestly, that's what happens. And the big T and little t trauma, what is that? Big T trauma is, getting in a car accident, being in war, getting, molested and like. Big, action based, mostly traumas, but little T traumas are more defined as emotional traumas.
And they could be equally or even bigger than the [00:19:00] capital T traumas.
Let's talk a little bit about our blocks and money and being able to make more money.
I can think of like for myself, I definitely have blocks. I mean, I, I try to work on them, but I, I honestly feel like I work on them and then I get sucked back into them. And then I try to work on them. And then I'm like, work on them again. , to the point where, it does hold me in a spot.
It's hard to move forward in my business because I feel like I just keep getting sucked back and, and for instance, I'm going to give you an example of probably like one of my. little tease. I think I always grew up like we never had enough. There was never enough money, right, in the house. And it's not like my parents made me feel like that.
It was just there. It was just an undertone. And for me, I work in private practice. I have my own private practice. So I am a craniosacral therapist. And so it's kind of free for me to give and help people, right? Like I don't, I'm not physically [00:20:00] really spending money on my trade.
So when someone comes in, the story that I tell myself is kind of like, this person's not going to be able to afford. These treatments, they're not going to be able to afford this. It's a story. It doesn't make any sense. It does. It's not their story, but it's the story. Right. And then, and then even if I can get over that story and I kind of go through the layers of where it's coming from, then what happens is I do get paid, right?
Like I get paid of what I'm worth. I actually have an amount, but I find myself getting rid of that money pretty quickly. Whether there's like, oh, let me just, oh, donate to this or buy this or do that, like having to keep that money. Also is an issue, right? Cause I'm actually giving it away. So that's still not good.
How do we use these blocks to help us really propel us forward and not just get, keep getting sucked back into them. Yeah. So we love pattern, [00:21:00] right? Pattern. Yes, we do. Like we are habit beings. It really is beautiful because it can help us succeed.
And the habits that are disempowering, right? Mm-hmm. They're really just safety mechanisms. That's all they are, patterns that are not serving us have a value to us. And the goal is to find what is the value, right? So there's a value that you are associating to, connecting or like saying, well, they can't afford me.
And you even said. Your services, because your service, there's no like connected to a dollar amount. Like I would actually go there for you. Mm-Hmm. . It's like, wait a minute, you know, you are, you're spending time, energy, and so much, and you, and like the va, the all that you've acquired, there is a value there.
Mm-Hmm. But because you know, you don't have to buy a product to then sell the [00:22:00] product. There's a disconnect, right? And all of that is connected to probably what are you making the meaning of somebody paying you? Like why? What? And then like, we'll go deeper there because you shared three patterns in, in that one experience.
Yeah. One is. not seeing the ability for your clients to pay you, like they are going to value as much as you value yourself. So it's like, that's one thing. Second is like, well, associating your time and energy to no money. It's like, no, let's put money into that.
Like, what is your time where like, what is one minute of your time? And like, that helps. And this is actionable moving forward, but I like going under. Meaning looking underneath and to the subconscious and, your nervous system level to understand like why do you even believe that in the first place?
What happened in your childhood [00:23:00] or in your past that you connected that your time is does not allocate to money? Yeah, that's a huge question. I mean, I don't know the answer right off the bat, or I mean, I'll have to sit with it and see what my subconscious says, but yeah, that's a, that's a really good question.
Like what happened in my childhood that my time. Somehow I didn't value or wasn't valued or whatever. Yeah, did you said it wasn't valued right because most likely, you know like it's sometimes it's generational sometimes is one experience of a teacher saying something and that in that word or that experience were frozen in time and now There's a part of you that hijacks you and says no, this is not So, that's one thing.
And then another pattern is, okay, money comes in, money comes out, right? So it's like, and what I want to share [00:24:00] in respect to what's happening there is what I get. And I see it as three. patterns, but everything's
connected. So if everything's connected, which is the one that we would look into and that one will like direct us to all of them, right?
And then I want to share that when something happens to us, little t, big T. It doesn't matter. It's about how you process it, right? Is this happen? And this is what I made the meaning of. And that alone is what makes a trauma when you don't understand what occurred, right? Because you don't understand is what the trauma is.
If there's somebody more adult than you with more processing abilities than you, it helps you connect the dots. You at this age will not connect the dots at that age. So what happens is that something happened to us, right? Let's say it happened at four [00:25:00] years old, right? That made you believe that your time is not worth it.
Like worthy of valued. It's not valued. As a four year old, you're going to make that meaning, but as a 40 year old, you won't, right? You would process it differently. But because certain belief systems are at the four year old level they're the ones leading us. So the way that I like sharing that to my clients is that, how old do you feel when you're questioning if a client can pay you?
And then that is most likely. When something occurred and that's frozen in time in your nervous system and it's hijacking you and making those decisions. from that place. I know I just went really deep, but you know, I'm like loving it because I'm thinking back to the feeling of when I'm sitting there and
I do believe that there needs to be an energy exchange, you know, [00:26:00] if I do something for free. I have seen my patients do not get better. I do now charge full price. I do feel good about it. Occasionally a situation comes in and I'm like, Oh, all of a sudden I go back to this habit, but I'm thinking about what you just said about the layers, like, well.
How do I feel in that habit? And I feel like an old me, you're right, like not old, but like younger and more insecure me than the person who stands like now, who's in their 50s. And I've learned a lot more. And, and it's so true. It's like that habit gets sucked back, when that insecurity kind of Sneaks in.
It is a whole different time zone than where I am now. Yes. And once you realize that that's honestly what's happening with your triggers, when you upset, when you know you're excited, right? Like all of that, when it's too extreme, right? You want to like pause. That's why it's important to pause. It's like, okay.
What's going on over here? And [00:27:00] like, be introspective, right? Because then you can choose a different reality right there and then. Just by that pause, you become conscious and then saying, what's going on over here? Like, oh, okay, no. And then working with your parts. So parts work, it's internal family systems is like a big part of what I do with and saying, okay, well, how does this part, well, understanding and giving that part a voice.
So when that part hijacks you, you can have, it's okay. I got this. Okay. Like as a 15 year old, you don't need to, charge your prices. I will. Right. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. And, and I know it sounds a little weird, but honestly. What if just by working with that part of you, you get to make different decisions and they don't longer hijack you?
Because I'm pretty sure you can, you've experienced like out of body type of experience where [00:28:00] it's like, why did I do that? I feel like if with the knowledge that I have, I shouldn't have done that. Why did I do that? And you felt powerless to that action. Mm hmm. Well, that action wasn't really.
The current you that action was a traumatized part of you that hijacked you and then went on to make growing up decisions at that conscious level, which is the younger version of you. I know it's a little like, but you know, no, I'm loving it. I love it. I mean, it's complex. I'm not going to lie. It's complex.
And I think every individual has to do their own work. So I love these simple steps that are coming out of it, which is. Really, number one, , name the emotion, be curious, start asking yourself questions, and literally just pause in the moment to give yourself a little time to work on this.
Yeah, I would say pause first, practice pause first, like, honestly, if you can [00:29:00] just practice the pause. And you're going to feel uncomfortable with the pause. I remember when I first started doing this work. I felt like I was in a ring with myself. Like, no, you got to move. And like, no, I'm not moving.
And it was like such an internal battle because my pattern is hustle is go, go, go. It's no sleep. So I am reprogramming that even to this day where it feels unsafe. I want calm and pause to feel safe, but I am still reprogramming how speed and going feels safe.
So I don't longer want that. I don't longer want that to be my reality. So if you take anything out of today is pause. Pause and be open and curious. Like that is the biggest step for introspection so that you can have time to ask those introspective questions. Yeah. And then start peeling back the layers of the [00:30:00] why.
What's a why? Yeah, that's like later, right? Yeah, get to that. Yes. Yeah. So this has been so great. I love that actionable step that everyone listening. I usually ask like, what's an actionable step, but you just gave it to us. So awesome. We're going to pause and ask. Those questions and be curious. I think those are our first steps because these are big.
And like you said, we all have big traumas, little traumas. We all have them in some shape or form. That's really holding us back from being as successful as we want to be. Yeah, even as parents, right?
With myself as a mom, my kids are always triggering me. It's like, wait, what's coming up? And I, this is the easiest way to practice because as moms. We, we have little triggering machines walking around us all day. We should pay them. Yeah. I'm working on my trauma. Let's talk.
[00:31:00] Yeah. Right. Yeah. That is big. I love it. I love the work that you do. So tell us where the listeners can find you. Yeah, I am on most social media platforms. I hang out mostly on Instagram and Facebook at Elvira Cabreja. , is like my first name, last name.
Great. And are, do you do coaching as well? Yeah, I I'm currently focusing mostly on one on one coaching. But I do masterclasses at times, so definitely keep an eye if you want to know deeper on that. And I do have a freebie on the top five subconscious monoblocks entrepreneurs face. So that one's a really good one because it goes a little bit deeper and has some exercise it at the end.
Awesome. So I'll put that in the show notes for everyone to grab. And that would be really helpful because as we're getting curious and taking our first steps and asking those questions, then we can [00:32:00] check out that freebie and learn our next steps.
Yes. Well, thank you so much for coming on and talking to us today. This was really eye opening and I'm looking up and looking down and I'm thinking, what's my subconscious mind? I'm going to be curious about everything, but this is really great. Really helpful. I think it's going to help a lot of moms out there.
Awesome. Thank you for having me.
