Welcome back to the Real Life Momz podcast. This is a place where you get to take a break from your to do list and take time to focus on yourself. I'm Lisa Foster, your host, and today we are discussing clearing our space so we can find out what truly matters. And I'm here with fellow mom,
connie Ellefson. She is an engineer, a professional organizer, and the author of Clear the Space, Feel the Rush. She's here today to help us reconnect with our creativity and increase our energy tied up in unnecessary clutter. Hi, Connie.
Welcome to the show. Hi Lisa, thanks so much for having me. Yes, I'm so glad to have you here because clutter, clutter is something I collect, which I'm sure you do not want to hear or anyone wants to. Everybody does. It's like, I feel like we're really good in my family about like donating, getting rid of, doing these like clean outs, but you turn around and it's back.
So. I feel like there's something [00:01:00] underneath all this clutter that makes us clutter. So what do you, what do you feel that is? What do you feel the root cause of clutter is? It's, it's unique to each person. Everybody has a different reason, but there's something, there's something or things that happened in our childhoods that make us want to hold on to something or feel more powerful if we have more stuff, or I don't know.
I just think you, there's something primeval about collecting things. So you, you just feel like you're more present in the world. What I realized I was telling you beforehand, I moved so many times when I was a kid and we always jumped out every time we moved so, but we traveled light and then. Then when I graduated college and later got married and had two kids and moved from a large house to a small one, it took me and five big guys four and a half hours to load everything into the van.
And again, it wasn't like a super cluttered, crowded house. It was just enough stuff to fill all these 3000 square feet or whatever. [00:02:00] Furniture in every room to, you know, each room furnished and the kids and kids toys and. You know, it wasn't even that crowded, but it's, it's just a lot of space to fill up and we felt we can fill it up.
We don't just leave it empty. So there's, there's lots of different ways, but I realized because I read so many organizing books and I try all the stuff and I do it, you know, and then three months later it would all be disintegrated again and I realized there's mental and emotional clutter behind the physical clutter and we all have, I guess, some kind of a set point that's takes a little doing to get yourself past that. Like there was a point recently, a few years ago where I had a treasure guest coming and I wanted to put my best square foot forward.
So I just tidied everything throughout the house from top to bottom. I kept it that way for like three days. And I'm like, This feels kind of weird. It almost [00:03:00] made me uneasy to have it too much more clear than I was used to. So you have to have some kind of inspiration. And that's, that's one of the things that I put in the front of the book is what's your dream for your space?
Not just how did it get this way? Or, feel guilty or whatever. That's my number one letter tip in all three of the areas I talk about in my book is declare the guilts. But. Do you want to move to where you can do lots of entertaining? That's one way of decluttering and organizing. Or do you want to move to where you and your family can just go do stuff whenever you want and, you know, hit the road and not be worried about what's happening at the house?
That's a more of a minimalist, probably. And if you really love decorating and the thing people don't understand is if you love highly decorated spaces, that's not necessarily clutter. That could be just your style. But if those spaces also have lots of company with things you don't use or love, [00:04:00] then that's, that's what the clutter is.
So what I'm hearing you say that I think of clutter as kind of like a lot of stuff. There's so much stuff around. We got to get rid of this stuff.
But actually, depending on who you are, if you actually love the things around you, it's actually okay. Then it's not really clutter, is it? No, no, it's, it's, it's your style. It's your decor. The main thing is, if other people in your household are bothered by that much stuff or decor or whatever, you have to figure out areas where you can have your style, they can have their style, but the places where everybody has to live together or come together.
needs to be a compromise or whatever. It needs to be an agreement between, of what the different people like. As long as everybody can have a space where they can do it their way, then that, that helps a lot with families. And there's an interesting study that I, that I heard about in the course of researching this book.
[00:05:00] At UCLA, they did a, A study of different how different people in the family react to having all their belongings in view around them, and they found men and older teenagers were much more comfortable with being able to see everything they. Wow, versus, versus the women. So, and I'm like well that's not really groundbreaking but at least now we know that there's a reason.
It's, different physiology. You don't have to get mad at your family because your teenagers like to have everything spread out, or there's a reason for it. So you can just.
Say, okay, that's how it's supposed to be. We can say UCLA told us that there's a study. So when I walk into my son's room and there's laundry all over the floor, he just, just wants to see all his stuff. Is that right? Exactly. Right. Or he's rebelling or whatever. Teenagers are super busy. That's, that's the other thing.
Yes, they're like the busiest in high school. They're the busiest that they'll ever be in their lives. [00:06:00] Wow. That's such an interesting insight because I have two high schoolers and it's true. What a hard time, right? Because they're still under, they're under so much pressure and there's so much to do.
Yeah. And they don't put their laundry away, but I just close that door and I don't do their laundry. I don't go in there. If I'm missing a fork or a spoon and we're out, I know they're up there. So I just screamed to have them come down, but yeah, I just closed that door. That is not my area
so I love that you talk about clear the space, feel the rush. So can you talk a little bit more about this rush that you feel when you clear your space?
Yeah, well, I'm sure that you and most of your readers have felt that exhilaration when you clean out a closet and get it all organized or, or even just rearrange it so it's more compact and tidy and there's more space in between the items, you know, that's endorphins. Like your is like super [00:07:00] excited. And I, even though I'm an engineer, I, I don't mind making up my own science.
So I just assume that the feng shui energy that they talk about, they like you to have open spaces where nothing under the bed, so the energy can flow around under your bed, all around your room, not having, things blocking it here and there that are just jarring things, jarring the energy.
I feel that that comes into your body and helps you feel the rush. The rush is the endorphins, like when, when you eat something spicy and your brain thinks you're getting burned, your tongue's getting burned. So it says, I need to release some painkilling chemicals because she's getting her tongue's getting burned.
And then a few minutes later you feel so good, you feel so great and it's, that's endorphins. That's the rush. I realized at the very end of this very long process, it took me 14 years to write this book. So, at the very end, someone asked me to give a speech and I thought, that's terrifying, but then I realized, oh, I can, I [00:08:00] can summarize my stuff. And at the very moment, at that moment, I thought about how when you go exercise for half an hour, the endorphins start flowing. Everybody's heard about that.
That's why some people even get addicted to exercise because it just feels so good. And then if you have an emotional block that's released, that also makes you feel quite good. Like you have something you're very upset about and you have a good cry. And you feel better. It's the same rush. And I'm like, it's all the same.
And they're related to each other. So if you go one, one woman that I talked to a podcaster said, yeah, after I go work out, I come home and I feel much more motivated to clean out my junk drawer or whatever. So they, they tie into each other. And if you're feeling down and out, you just, you don't feel like tackling anything.
Clearing emotional clutter can help you with clearing the other kind of clutter. You can just start anywhere you want and you get the same rush. But the other very cool thing about the [00:09:00] rush was I read about an experiment that Dr. Joe Dispenza did. He's a chiropractor and he wrote, he's written books.
Anyway, he's a neuroscientist as well. One of those people that had a terrible bike accident long ago where they said you may not walk again. And he said, that's not good enough. And he just put his mind to it, getting well and walked out of the hospital 12 weeks later. So he's, he's walking, talking, knows what he's talking about.
I have heard and read a lot of his books as well. This was from the book called Becoming Supernatural. And he had a conference in 2016, 120 people who agreed to an experiment. And of course it was informal and, you know, it's a small sample of people, but he asked them to each spend 10 minutes, three times a day, putting themselves in a high vibrational emotional state, whether it was happiness, gratitude, joy, love.
I [00:10:00] assume humor might work too. So basically meditating 30 minutes a day. And then at the beginning and end of the four days he did a saliva test where he checked their immunoglobulin A. Okay. That's a protein that says this is how strong your immune system is right this minute, and it had gone up an average of 50 percent in four days of being happy 30 minutes a day.
So, obviously, I mean, they were probably enjoying this, the seminar quite a bit so it's probably more than 30 minutes that they were happy, but I'm like, wow, the rush can make you feel better and it can help your immune system. So, it ties into. Lots of great things in life. I've just been reading some a little bit more about the law of attraction, which I love and suspect almost equal measures, but to feel happy like one week.
After I realized all this, I thought, I'm just going to keep my endorphins on all the time, because I've learned how to, between that, [00:11:00] that, oh, he's got a, he's got a meditation in that book that helps you practice, calls it the energy center blessing meditation. And you just start feeling so good as you do it.
And I realized as I was doing it, oh, those are those endorphins. And I know how to do tapping. Have you heard of emotional freedom technique? , yes. I have heard of that. When you get good at it, you practice it up and you're kind of, you know, experienced, you'll start to feel the endorphins within a few minutes.
You might even start to think about tapping and you'll feel them start to pull up and it releases anxiety. So between those two, I've learned how to turn on my endorphins whenever I want. So I thought I'm going to just leave them on all week.
And I noticed that I was, if I got frustrated or angry about something, it was much easier to get back on the horse and not worry about it. And there were lots of things that might normally get on my nerves, but they didn't bother me this week. Plus there [00:12:00] were several things that started happening during that week that were turned out to be really good.
So like, I should do this all the time. And I try, but sometimes I forget. Well, we all, we all slip back into like old patterns too, right? So the more you practice, the more it becomes more natural. And that becomes a new pattern for you that you would slip back into. But yeah, I totally agree. And the more you're, it's almost like you're increasing kind of back to the law of attraction, right?
It's all kind of connected, you're increasing this vibration, so other things on that vibration level that is high, you start to also attract and also those people around you that are also vibrating that high as well. You're attracting them, that's why it's so much goodness, you know, increasing that vibration.
So it, and I like how you're correlating it to, that the endorphins kind of increase that vibration for you, that a vibration is kind of that ripple effect to all those good things. And if you just think about real [00:13:00] life, if you're happy and feeling relaxed or not anxious, whatever, and not bothered by stuff as much, you're probably going to notice opportunities more than you would have if you're like, Yeah.
I'm so depressed. Yes. I'm so dragging. It kind of all ties together, but it's a, it's a definite benefit. I mean, at the end I kind of realized you don't even have to declutter to do this. You can just decide, I'm going to feel happy. But decluttering is, has so many benefits too, that. I always recommend it.
Yeah, tell us a little bit about the benefits that decluttering has, besides obviously making us happy and increasing our vibration. It's, it reduces stress and it, it makes you feel happier in your home. You look forward to coming home. So it's, it's basically more life enjoyment and reducing friction between people, between family members.[00:14:00]
If you do have one of those people that's super sensitive, it can, it can, you know, change the dynamics of your family. There's, there's lots of research about it and I can't like say it all off the top of my head, but just, just enjoying your life and your, your kids and your family more each moment because it, it is incredibly fleeting.
The, the time that you have with the kids growing up. So you might as well enjoy it because that's, that's your life. And if you're not enjoying even the stupid stuff, then you're kind of wasting your time. Yeah. It's funny. I just watched this thing and I think a lot of people see it like on YouTube and stuff, but it's a guy and he has a big jar and in the jar, he puts a bunch of golf balls.
Tell me if you've seen this, but it's like all the golf balls are meant to be like your really important things, like your passions, your family, your friends, you know, close friends. It's funny. And he asks the class, right? Is this jar full? And they look [00:15:00] at it. Yes, it's full. It has all these golf balls. And then he takes out this jar of pebbles and he pours the pebbles in the jar.
And now it's like, they're, they're all over the golf balls. And he's like, well, is this full? And that's supposed to be kind of the. Not as important things, but some, some things that still are important, but not as important as the golf balls and the class is like, yes, that now the jar is totally full, right?
But then he takes off sand, this little grains of sand, like a big jar of it and pours it all over the balls and golf balls into this thing. And he goes, now is it full? And they're like, yeah. And he goes, well, the sand is the not important stuff. And if we poured that in first, there'd be no room for the golf balls that are the most important stuff to actually fit in your jar.
So always make sure you're looking at the golf balls and making sure you know what those are so that you can fit those in first. Right. That's your priority. And I guess the sand is kind of the clutter that kind of gets in our way and fills our jars before we can have all those golf balls. Yeah, we, we tend [00:16:00] to focus on the small stuff because we're, maybe we're afraid or we just haven't defined.
That's why it's nice to have a goal that you're reaching towards or a style of decor or just how do you want, how do you want to spend your life with your family? You'd rather be going out doing sports and but you're, you're just hung up because. There's one person, usually mom, in the family that, that hates going off and leaving the place a mess and either coming back to it or, what if somebody stopped by and saw it this way?
Right, right. Like, I mean, honestly, the dishes, my mom always says to me, the dishes are still gonna be there. You can go do something else. They'll still be there. Don't worry. You're not gonna miss it. Yep. And some of us believe that and some of us don't. So if you're one of those people that doesn't, then you need to simplify your life as much as possible and keep doing it over and over because it does, like you said at the beginning, it does creep up.
We let, you know, we get birthday presents, we get holiday presents, we see [00:17:00] things on sale and even the most dedicated minimalist is, it's going to, gradually increasing again until you. Periodically go through and junk out like my mom used to make a stew. Lately, I have to say, I've been asking myself more why do I want that?
Or, am I going to actually enjoy that? whatever it is, sometimes it's even a cup of coffee that I'm like, I don't really want that coffee. I just want something to fill my soul like I gave myself a gift, but that's not what I want. I mean, I'd rather have a hug or go for a walk or something different, right?
Right. So I've been asking that and it's interesting if you can pause, cause I think we're always going, going, but if you didn't pause and actually ask yourself, do I want this? I think the answer is usually probably no. And that there's something deeper that you really need, that you're just trying to fill the space.
Yes, very good. Very profound. That's exactly what it is. And, and one of the good things about decluttering and, and donating stuff [00:18:00] is you think, maybe I could start being a lot more careful about what I let come in. Like you said, do I really need this new dress or whatever, or this new utensil for my kitchen.
It's stop and think whether, whether you already have enough. I, I helped an elderly woman with moving from an apartment to a assisted living and she was going to have all her meals in the lunchroom, the dining hall. And so when we got done with her kitchen, which they're very small in some of these places that just, they don't need a lot of kitchen space.
She had one saucepan in her cupboard, maybe one casserole or something. And then she had a salt and pepper, some garlic salt, and that was it for spices. You're my hero. It's kind of all you need, honestly. Yeah. And I've, I've heard that wealthy people have a sort of a nomadic. Ultra, ultra wealthy and nomadic spirit.
So they, they actually tend to not accumulate clutter. And of course, part of it is [00:19:00] because they might have two or three homes that are already completely outfitted. So they don't need to bring stuff from one place to the other. But I just like the idea of being able to pack up and move. This is, this is my thing from my childhood.
Because I, I had a horror of having too many things because I was always thinking about those boxes and having to haul those boxes to a truck and get it down the road. So I love traveling light and I don't, my house isn't perfect. It's like 70 percent the way I like it, but there's still a couple of areas that I'm working on.
We all are a work in progress. So tell us one tip that you really want moms to walk away after listening to this podcast. Just remember that you're doing an amazing job, no matter how you may feel about it. And there was a, there's a man named Dr. James Dobson, I think focus on the family as his ministry or whatever.
But he said once, as long as your kids don't get heavily into drugs or something, no [00:20:00] matter how they're doing now, by the time they're 30, they're going to be just like you. So don't worry about it. They're going to turn out just fine. And, and the fact that you care as much as you do to even be listening to a podcast like this, you're doing great.
Yes, yeah, I think once again, we're always just doing the best that we can and that's enough really. Yeah. So tell us where the listeners can find you and a little bit more about your book. Okay. My website is clear the space dot com.
And it's got some information reviews and so forth. And it's available on all the online stores. You can also order it at bookstores and they'll, they'll bring it in for you. I, I've been making lots of TikToks. I've discovered my dream life is making videos all the time. So even though I still have to do some of my engineering work, the fact that I'm getting to make videos is like, yes, that's [00:21:00] so cool.
The book is divided into just five, five major chapters, and the first one is sort of about clutter, and at the end of the first chapter, I tell how I learned how to turn on the endorphins myself. Because that's probably I think that's the best part of the whole book. I had it at the end before, but I've moved it to the front and I've added in some questions at the end of each.
So the first chapter is all about clutter. The middle three are body minded stuff. I think that the emotional part is first the mind part. And so it kind of goes into some basic ideas. So it's more of an inspirational book. It's not just another wonderful organizing book because there's hundreds of those that are fantastic.
I didn't want to reproduce that, but it's more just about getting yourself in the mindset of decluttering the guilt, going ahead and making time to do some of this decluttering, start wherever you want. If you just want to start on your physical body. And the number one tip on that [00:22:00] is get more exercise and more movement.
It doesn't have to be at the gym. Pick one of those areas and pick some story that inspires you, some goal or, or dream that inspires you to work towards in each of those areas. And then the last chapter is, is just some final thoughts. So, I tell people if you just want to read about decluttering your stuff, you can read the first chapter, that chapter, and the last one, but you're going to get ideas from all three.
I think the magic is in some of those other chapters about, you know, kind of like your own inner work there and that emotional piece. I think that's, I really think that's what's behind a lot of the clutter, the physical clutter. It's 100 percent why. Yeah. So I don't think you should let the readers get off that easy.
I think they need to read those chapters. But each, each idea is, is kind of a short introduction. And if something really interests you, then you [00:23:00] could, you could check it out further on, you know, other, other books or resources, but it's just kind of a basic handbook to decluttering, you know, those three areas.
I love that. Well, it sounds amazing. I will have that in the show notes as well. So people can, grab the link and grab a copy. And thank you for coming on and just talking about clutter, but much deeper than clutter. I love the piece of the endorphins and the energy and the happiness that goes along with all this.
It's so amazing. It's exactly right. , we just have a limited amount of time in our life. Don't realize how small it is sometimes. So If you can get some crap out of the way, then you're going to enjoy more of the time that you do have. The quote of the day, let's get the crap out of the way. Well, thanks again for coming on the show. It's so enjoyable talking to you. Thank you so much, Lisa. It's been great. Thank you for listening to this episode. Make sure you check out the links in the show notes for Connie's book, clear the space, feel the rush so that you can start increasing your vibration [00:24:00] today.
And for those mompreneurs and business owners like myself, make sure you check out our free SEO and marketing workshop video. Just click on the link in the show notes and start marketing from a heart centered place that feels right in your practice.
And of course, don't forget to continue to take time for yourself because you matter.
